WAITING IS A TICKING BOMB

WAITING I hate just the word don't know really why do I hate it that much ,but really I am a very tidy person just love to be on my time ,I know that is something very rare nowadays ,but I am just very accurate in my appointments as if I am a clock ticking, without any reason actually but it’s really me, I love to be there before my appointments at least for 5 minutes but just love too cause ,I think that the person who really respect his appointments really respect himself ,so it really me being just on time, but really what bother me a lot is just waiting, not just waiting to someone to come also to something to happens, I feels as if I am melting down there, as if I am ticking bomb every second pass by, while I am waiting for anything ,waiting really makes me feels very disappointed, very mad very upset I feels as if I am really not respected, this feeling really could cause putting me in the mad house, really it means a lot to me and if I really wanted that thing or that someone very much the more I feels sad and upset the more I feels humiliated and really fucked ,that the only problem is that when you love something very much or someone you really couldn't stand wrong thing from him even if it is a tiny little thing cause this ting thing really hurts a lot ,as if it’s a great thing with tones of weight over your heart cause you really love a and warship that person you just think that it’s really very harsh, just to stand anything bad from him, anything you just feels as if hell really down below earth, cause of this happening to you by someone you love and really appreciate, and really you really thought that you makes some difference to him, and that you means something to him too ,I guess it’s just disappointment is what really happens, and makes you feels shit, feeling as if you can’t believe yourself ,how it could really happens ,really by someone you really love ,you really cares about how is love and caring being faced in such a bad way in such a rude way ,in such carless way, its fetal feeling for me ,unless so can you imagine a ticking bomb about to explode to ruin anything around, that’s waiting for me and then the disappointment after this waiting, is just the explosion of this bomb it really broke everything down leaving the biggest thing after this explosion as tiny as a thing can't be seen with the nicked eyes so imagine how painful could this be to me or to anyone that really thinks the same way as me.