A thirty one years old baby

HI BLOGYI, I KNOW THAT, you are very mad of me cause from the beginning of Ramadan, I,,, really forget all about you, don't know why blogyi I guess I am not in the mood to talk, I feels that I have nothing to tell you or have no words to speaks with, as if I have finished all the words inside me, as if I really don't like to talk at all, as they really says if talking is silver then silence is gold and we all knows that gold is more expensive then silver, don't know why I feels as if I am really speechless, that really happens to me not from very long, it happens to me, when I lost a friend of mine, this friend I really thought that he was sincere so clear so nice simple easy one, I just felt very happy when I knew him and also felt very happy, when I were just speaking with him, I thought that he really cares about me very much, and I also cared about him very much, I used to feels very relief with just talking to him, but the thing that really hurts me a lot that all of this just changed in a second with no reason at all, he was just fine with me ,we used to talk a lot to hear each other a lot, I thought that god sent him to me in order to make things up to me that what I really thought, but it didn't really happened like that, he was really a nice friend he was a lot like me in everything, I really felt with him as if he was my twin, this twin was identical to me not in shape but really in personalities, we talked like each other we need things like each other ,we really love things like each other he was like me a lot, then he had to travel for a business trip after he traveled I felt very alone, I felt as if I am alone in the whole world with no one around that was really a shitty feeling ,cause I became alone again with no one once again and that feeling really hurts me really ,made very sad very miserable ,but it’s really the truth I don't know, what really happens, how come that we were so near as if we were two halves and then he leaves with no reason at all he decide that suddenly, he is not intrested in me how come is that? How come he changed so easy from caring and sharing to throwing this person away without even telling him why? is that really normal know that nothing is really normal anymore, in the whole world, I know that but, what I really want to know is why? I am really astonished want very much to know the reason, I really don't know ,as if I were some kind of a toy when he was free and had no obligation toward something he played with and when he get busy he just threw it away as far as he really could telling her that baby ,I don't need you any more, your time is up you will not take your time and other times too, and threw it away, I know that it’s really normal but it’s reallyhurts me a lot to feel that, I am just a toy in the free time when this free time is up it's up and you are just thrown with no mercy or with consideration without even hesitation for just one second I know that since this friend desappeared I am not just being myself lately but ,what I really surprised of that why? why am I so sad ?why ?I didn't really knew him more than 10 days, how come in 10 days you feels so attached with something very much untile, you really felt so sad without him, how come and why? why am being like that feels that I am just like a baby this baby really cries oneverthing and wants everything to be his without thinking or without knowing why he really want this thing, he just wanted it no matter what ,why am I so childish in my attitudes why ?I really get so attached with persons or something with no thinking at all ,as if I am turns to be a baby but 31 years old baby ,I really can't do anything about it can’t really held myself from doing it even, if I know that it will really cause me hurt at the very end and that what really happens to me