STOP BEING PATTETIC

HI BLOGYI couldn't sleep as usual, I guess I am going crazy ,I guess but really it’s becoming so ugly ,don't know really ,what do I have to do? Don’t know I really have a question, why am I being so weak? Why is that really, I don’t know all my life, I am well known as a fighter, as I am really strong very Stubborn, very stabile character, don’t know really what happened? its really strange why is that sudden change ?why do I turned into this person this opposite person of me, why is that ?a weak one ,a pathetic one, a dumb one, a self petty one, why do I turned to that person ?which I really hates a lot ?why do I suddenly became so weak ,as if I really can’t stand up on my own foot, I have to pull others to make me stand on my own foot, I had to pull them, I have to stick to others in order to stand, why do I really have to do this to myself why ?it's really very wrong thing to do, you know why? cause standing by others help first makes me feels pathetic more and more ,this first of all second make others really hurts me cause they think they are more better stronger in charge, so they hurt me so bad as a reaction for helping me at the very beginning, I guess it’s really my fault, I most stand up with my own foot with myself help with Mai power Mai energy not with others ,who really thinks that they are really have to hurt me so bad that for return for helping me out nooooooooooooooo I have to stop really, I have to stop being pathetic being that weak, I deserve to be better than that, I really need no one, I have to stop think of people as they are my safety, no they aren't ,I most really feel safe by myself not by others help, I have to stop being a climbing person , the same idea of the climbing plant ,it really needs a thing to climb on to really survive ,as if a helper to make it really live and survive this plant ,can't really live without this help, but I can do it, I have to stop really being a climbing person, cause those persons which I really liens on ,they are usually worthless ones with no use at all ,they just take this help they are doing to me as if she is very weak can’t really survive without us ,and when I am really get used to them and there help they just suddenly decide to stop this help to see her really Creeping on her knees to get this help or at least beg for it to get more and more from us ,how will she survive without our help probably ,no so she will really bare anything will be done to her to get this help she needs, No Mai no stop this crap please ,you need no help from others ,where is the strong Mai I used to had where is she? You must stop asking other people and beg them for help for just being there for you, as if you are really kissing their hands to do, no really fuck them fuck them all, who the hell do they think themselves they are? they are really worthless, nobody at all so please stop making them feels better when they see you like that very weak and pathetic stop it , cause if they aren't there for me, when I really need them ,then they are really worthless with no meaning at all to be in my life, the only problem that I have a lot of people in my life like that I guess the only thing that will really makes me better to terminate them out, cutting them out will makes me feels better will makes me feels strong again, I cant really make them push me to the bottom ,it’s not really right stop being weak stop searching for people to help ,stop if someone really likes to be near with his own will ,it’s ok not cause he really petty you and just wants to help ,not just cause he see me pathetic ,if he really likes to stick around ,no I need no one of these people, makes me feels very bad about myself and to break me again and I am the one who really give them this chance to do so ,as if I am dying without them, no I will live alone with no help at all ,and will survive screw them all screw their help ,they really must spare me and themselves that help, cause I need no one help