LITTLE CHAT WITH MAI

WHY? I JUST WANT A REASON? ONLY ONE PLEASES? it’s really strange, what’s really happening to me, just when I think a lot why is all of that happening to me, I think that’s really this fault is really not the people’s fault it’s mine, really you know why cause I am so dumb to understand ,what I am looking for really is just an illusion, it’s really not there and I really insisted on finding it ,but it’s not there ,and will not be there, but the only thing I am really doing to myself is to hurt myself more and more, without any mercy with myself, as if I am really happy by hurting myself, but I really don't know why am I being really sadistic that much with myself, I really don’t deserve that at all specially from myself cause I am really getting that from all people around me , I really don’t care about myself that much but really I don’t know why is that , why am I really doing this to myself? I keep on hurting myself, and also I really gave the chance for every MENTALLY patient pestered to do ,that cause I am really an easy hunt for every dumb hunter not for the clever or the smart ones , but I am really putting myself out there as if I am really something put out there for people to learn on it ,how they really can shoot ,as if am really an object just an object really to learn on it ,how to shoot others and I am the one to blame here, I really put myself in this poison with no mercy ,what so ever with myself why Mai are you really doing this to yourself? you really DON’T deserve all this pain please just stop doing this for yourself, cause I am really done FROM DOING THIS TO YOU MAI , Mai first of all and from all around her, I know that she really want me dead cause she was really hurt because of me, a lot I really did made her suffer a lot and I really hurt her a lot with all my pathetic actions, and all my dumb thoughts ,with my ways in living with all my actions, I know Mai that I really hurt you a lot and, also I did put you in many hard poisons, I really did very awful things with you, but really Mai try to forgive me for all bad things I DID TO YOU , I really caused you A LOT OF PAIN , I know that I need a lot of forgiveness for every bad thing ,I really put you through, but really believe me, I will try to make it up for you, but really try to help me out please ,I just need your help in order to stop making you really suffer ,and also in order to feels really relief for the rest of your life ,so please just promise me ,that you will think about it honestly, regardless with all of the pain, I really caused you so please, Mai I am really giving you my hand to start a new page with each other, promising you that, I will stop really making you suffer, stop hurting you, that bad, but really can’t do it without your help, shall we start a new age please, I know that you are really kind and at least will try to help me, that you are the only one who really cares for me, cause when I really hurt you MAI, I really hurt myself, so I am here let’s check hands and do it Mai.