A FILLED BALLOON

Do you know what I really miss? a lot, I miss care, I miss tension, I miss being there, I miss being alive, I miss being myself ,I miss laughing from my heart, I miss tender touch I miss nice words, I miss company, I miss believing in myself, I miss being near someone who really cares, I miss being loved, I miss being valuable, I miss being important, I miss being exist, I miss feelings, I miss talking to someone, I miss eating with someone ,I miss drinking with him ,miss worm touch, miss being with someone hold my hands ,miss being Mai the happy one the tender one, miss the feeling of care and love for someone, miss going out with someone, talking in the phone for hours, miss be felt, I miss the feelings all, I miss waking up on his voice, miss sleeping at night on his voice too, miss feeling secured, miss being safe in his arms, miss being protected by his presents, miss being cared about what I eat what I drink ,cared about everything I do, about anything I need, miss going out with him to buy cloths, going together to the cinema, miss talking a lot, miss laughing together, miss finding someone to weep my tears off my face, to lien on his shoulder, to cry in his hug, feel worm with his body temperature, feeling happy, the only problem is that I am really filled up with this feelings to the top, but I really don't find anyone deserve it not because I am a special person, no I am not but really no one near or close deserve that no one and I hate the feeling of giving these feelings to someone doesn't really deserve it, I feel as if I am a balloon filled with air very filled it’s really about to explode but really don't know where to do I am suppose to be that way with all this feelings held inside me without any space to pour this feelings in. I think keeping them inside better than being hurt again with someone cruel if cause I am done of cruelty and really done of being hurt its really awful to give and take nothing or give good feelings worm ones and take only bitter and cruelty .why is that? Do I really deserve that do I? I give these feeling with all my heart truly and very sincere ones. Why no one appreciate that? Why they really mean to hurt me why? Why are they so happy when they did? I hurt no one harm no one did nothing wrong to be treated that way don’t really know .why is that? but the only thing I know that it’s too hard for me and I really can't take it anymore I am really tired and can’t take this. it’s so cruel ,so harsh I am really done .