THE DIFFERENT BETWEEN HAVING SEX AND MAKING LOVE

SEX, I know that a lot of people really looks to it as human nature ,and as if it’s really something god create in us in order to reproduce and to continue not to Extinct, at some point I know that is one of the reasons that god really create sex, but I know also that its very important in our lives, not cause it is one of our needs in life, but cause it really plays an important role in our life, but when we really talk about sex we must really differentiate between making sex and making love, I know that they are two words could really seems that they have the same meaning, but this is very wrong and this is not the truth at all, they are really two different words with nothing common between them, I see that and realize that very much ,cause really sex means just the intercourse between a man a woman, just the process not more not less than that, as if it’s really animals having sex with each other without any feeling at all, with no joy or feelings what so ever ,so I guess that is what we calls sex or having sex ,but making love is something different very different than that, as if it’s really another thing, as if we are really talking about something else, we are really talking about feelings about passion about really being satisfied with something ,or with someone, first of all its called making love cause its really filled with feelings and with the feeling of love, it’s really one way from million ways how to really express yourself and your love to someone you really loves, this someone really deserve to be felt and to makes him really feels happy full of joy and happiness, really deserve to fly with you high high over the sky ,and to touch the clouds with his own hands ,this one really deserve to share with you this intimate feelings and these close minutes, and also deserve to be your beloved person and to be your half ,that really should be loved and cared and really feels this feeling with you , to feels that every touch every kiss every tender touch every hug all of these things every move between you two makes you really feels nearer and nearer, every touch makes you feels as if it’s an electric wire, every hug really makes you feels very safe in his arms every kiss makes you flying over and over the clouds every touch really get you nearer and nearer from him really makes you feels that you are really belong here in his hug in his heart in his soul nearer and nearer when you really heard his heart bets you feels that finally I am not alone I am really with him and he will be always here for me , you really feels that his breath is really all you need his touch is the only thing you are seeking for, it’s really different feelings that his words in your ears is the sweetest is the most adorable word you had ever heard, that what he really means to you ,I guess it’s really different, this is really the different between having sex and between making love and if you really want to differentiate between the two of those it so easy to do so ,first of all if you have sex with someone whom you really love it really makes both of you get nearer and nearer as if you really became two in one ,two persons in one soul and one body as if you really became one thing really can't be apart, it really makes you feels that you can’t be away from each other that you really complete each other that you really are one soul one heart, but if you really did it with someone you really don’t love then it will be just a spontaneous sex ,with no feeling at all, you will find that you really got that energy or power out of your body and you really need nothing from this person more than that ,as if this person is really finished with this point, as if you really are done with him, as if you don’t want to see him anymore, as if this link sex really put everyone of you in two different ways or in two directions, so it’s really makes them became far and far from each other every move in having sex makes them feels very far very away from each other, as if every move really makes them apart and then usually after having sex they decide not to see each other again ,or not to complete this relation any more, that is the different and how to differentiate between both of them ,and that is my opinion, but I am really convinced that is really right opinion

MEN'S STRATEGY

HI BLOGYI, HOW ARE You? hope that you are fine, you know what I really missed you very much, missed talking to you, I know that it had been a while, anyway I noticed something blogyi ,you know what everyone have a key this key if we really knew it right and use it in the right time and the right place then it will open this person, so easily and also be the way to reach this person, you know what some people have this gift, it’s really a talent this talent really very rare, but if the person really have it, it could really turns this person to a magician can really play with people and with their minds and souls very easily, with nothing can stop him at all no matter what, knowing that if this gift really exist in this person, he really can read anyone in seconds without any effort at all with no difficulty in doing that what so ever, once he sat with you ,he can read your personality, and also can read your weak points and your strong points, he can know also what you really love and what you really hate, what is the way to reach inside you and what to avoid to really don’t lose you at all, and really after knowing you so well and determine all these points and putting his hands on it, after that he decides what Strategy he really needs to play with you this game, with your own head he could really reaches your head and know how you really think, how you really deal with life and all the surroundings in life then, after knowing your way of thinking and knowing your weak points and strong points, and after knowing what you really need and then he decided to be what you really need ,what you really dreams of, as if he is really your knight this knight is just made for you, as if he really came on earth to be yours, to be all your needs and all you wish from the whole world, after that he really makes you think that he is personalizing your dreams, as if really your dreams came true ,then he decided just to change this strategy in order to make you feels his importance ,to know his value and to realize that you really can’t live without him ,then after he is very sure that you really know that and you really can’t live without him, then bingo he disappears without any reason at all with no excuse, but after really he had done his best in making you felt deceived, or was it just a game of challenge he was really examine his mind and his brain with a smart game to make him practice in the real life , but really the smart thing in this strategy is to really read you right, know really what you are seeking for what is your dreams ,then he really decides to make them come true with no mercy what so ever with you ,and about really deceiving you, or about making you lives this illusion, or about making you really feels that you really lived in a lie ,he didn’t really bother at all about what you really thinks or feels, then after knowing your needs and its really well known that most of the women are really seeking for love and care, for tender for share then he really put his hands on the weak points of you, then he decides to stress on the weak points and then I guess, he really makes himself a victim just like you, and that he really seeks for the same things you are seeking for, then you decides really to help him then you realize that you are not helping him, you are setting yourself up with him you are really walking to your ambush by yourself, as if you are Asleep by hypnotism or as if he really moves you with a remote control to make you do what he really want you to do, but without any interfere from him ,as if you are really makes what he really wants but as if you are the one who really wants that, it’s very smart way I guess it’s really a devil thinking but it’s the way of men's thinking after all of that, and after you really find what you are really looking for then bingo, he is gone in seconds leaving you with pain and with suffer that he really left, but really you finally discovered that he didn’t worth one tear from your eyes to be really cried on him cause he was nothing, he really played with your heart and soul with no mercy at all.

A thirty one years old baby

HI BLOGYI, I KNOW THAT, you are very mad of me cause from the beginning of Ramadan, I,,, really forget all about you, don't know why blogyi I guess I am not in the mood to talk, I feels that I have nothing to tell you or have no words to speaks with, as if I have finished all the words inside me, as if I really don't like to talk at all, as they really says if talking is silver then silence is gold and we all knows that gold is more expensive then silver, don't know why I feels as if I am really speechless, that really happens to me not from very long, it happens to me, when I lost a friend of mine, this friend I really thought that he was sincere so clear so nice simple easy one, I just felt very happy when I knew him and also felt very happy, when I were just speaking with him, I thought that he really cares about me very much, and I also cared about him very much, I used to feels very relief with just talking to him, but the thing that really hurts me a lot that all of this just changed in a second with no reason at all, he was just fine with me ,we used to talk a lot to hear each other a lot, I thought that god sent him to me in order to make things up to me that what I really thought, but it didn't really happened like that, he was really a nice friend he was a lot like me in everything, I really felt with him as if he was my twin, this twin was identical to me not in shape but really in personalities, we talked like each other we need things like each other ,we really love things like each other he was like me a lot, then he had to travel for a business trip after he traveled I felt very alone, I felt as if I am alone in the whole world with no one around that was really a shitty feeling ,cause I became alone again with no one once again and that feeling really hurts me really ,made very sad very miserable ,but it’s really the truth I don't know, what really happens, how come that we were so near as if we were two halves and then he leaves with no reason at all he decide that suddenly, he is not intrested in me how come is that? How come he changed so easy from caring and sharing to throwing this person away without even telling him why? is that really normal know that nothing is really normal anymore, in the whole world, I know that but, what I really want to know is why? I am really astonished want very much to know the reason, I really don't know ,as if I were some kind of a toy when he was free and had no obligation toward something he played with and when he get busy he just threw it away as far as he really could telling her that baby ,I don't need you any more, your time is up you will not take your time and other times too, and threw it away, I know that it’s really normal but it’s reallyhurts me a lot to feel that, I am just a toy in the free time when this free time is up it's up and you are just thrown with no mercy or with consideration without even hesitation for just one second I know that since this friend desappeared I am not just being myself lately but ,what I really surprised of that why? why am I so sad ?why ?I didn't really knew him more than 10 days, how come in 10 days you feels so attached with something very much untile, you really felt so sad without him, how come and why? why am being like that feels that I am just like a baby this baby really cries oneverthing and wants everything to be his without thinking or without knowing why he really want this thing, he just wanted it no matter what ,why am I so childish in my attitudes why ?I really get so attached with persons or something with no thinking at all ,as if I am turns to be a baby but 31 years old baby ,I really can't do anything about it can’t really held myself from doing it even, if I know that it will really cause me hurt at the very end and that what really happens to me

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

HI BLOGYI, you know what I am very upset of you, cause yesterday was my birthday and you forgot to tell me happy birthday ,you know what blogyi , I think it was really a normal day as any other day except that my sis came to us with her husband and brought me a cake, and we had a nice chat after el fetar ,and then we cut the cake and we ate together the cake then everyone went to his house ,then it was just a normal day ,I know that many people told me that you must of gone out and do something special in this day ,but really I didn't do anything special cause, I didn't really have someone special to do that special thing with him ,I guess if I really had someone special it would have been very different ,I think it would have been very different from really what happened yesterday ,but I am didn't felt that it was a day to celebrate with, as if it's just a normal very normal day, you know what everyone I really thought he will remember my birthday really forgot it, and everyone I thought he will forget my birthday really remembered it, it was really strange that everyone who I thought would remember me and remember my birthday didn’t really remembered it at all, as if he really forget Mai as if she didn’t really exist ,I realized that I were really wrong, I just didn't know that all the people I thought that will forget they were the first ones whom said to me happy birthday ,as if I were really very wrong in judging all the people around ,what I really thought was very wrong, I am really feeling very bad about really misjudging the people around , cause they are really cared about me and really didn't forget my birthday, and I guess it’s nice thing to know that someone really remembered, you and just told you happy birthday even that he really said it to you by phone or by sms or by any way the thing that really matters that he really remembered you first and your birthday second that’s what really matters to me .

TWO DAYS IN SOLITAREY

HI BLOGYI hope you are just fine, well I took two days in solitary, cause I felt that I just needed that very much ,cause sometimes the person just feels that loneliness is just the cure for many things ,so I just silent my mob and vanished from the internet as to be really alone, cause really the mob and the internet is my connection with this world ,cause without these two, I feels that I am really unconnected to this world, with no one at all ,but I really know that loneliness is better or a lot better than being with people just makes you more and more miserable, so I decided to be just alone more better than being with them, cause being with them makes me feels that I am really pathetic ,that I am just sad, want just to dig and put myself in a whole ,to really get rid from this feelings that I feels when they are around, so that is really a solution, and it’s a nice one in order to feels better, and also cause I really promised you Mai, that I will really take you away from these people, and I will stop hurting you again, so that’s in order to believe me and to know that it’s really a fresh new start Mai, that I really try to make you believe that I will make what I really promised you, that I will do so, I really started doing it these days you know what, I were really better when I were away cause, when I am away I just spare myself all this shitty things, and all these attitudes, so I guess it was really good thing to do it, but I really couldn't do it more than that, cause I really preferred to face my problems its more better than hiding from them, but really facing it will make me feels that I am strong but I know that I am not but really it makes me feels that I can really complete this way ,as if I am taking a rest just to can complete this long way ,I am really fine will be always fine, but really was in need for these two days ,and I finally had them congratulation ya amar you just needed them and you finally had them well done .

LITTLE CHAT WITH MAI

WHY? I JUST WANT A REASON? ONLY ONE PLEASES? it’s really strange, what’s really happening to me, just when I think a lot why is all of that happening to me, I think that’s really this fault is really not the people’s fault it’s mine, really you know why cause I am so dumb to understand ,what I am looking for really is just an illusion, it’s really not there and I really insisted on finding it ,but it’s not there ,and will not be there, but the only thing I am really doing to myself is to hurt myself more and more, without any mercy with myself, as if I am really happy by hurting myself, but I really don't know why am I being really sadistic that much with myself, I really don’t deserve that at all specially from myself cause I am really getting that from all people around me , I really don’t care about myself that much but really I don’t know why is that , why am I really doing this to myself? I keep on hurting myself, and also I really gave the chance for every MENTALLY patient pestered to do ,that cause I am really an easy hunt for every dumb hunter not for the clever or the smart ones , but I am really putting myself out there as if I am really something put out there for people to learn on it ,how they really can shoot ,as if am really an object just an object really to learn on it ,how to shoot others and I am the one to blame here, I really put myself in this poison with no mercy ,what so ever with myself why Mai are you really doing this to yourself? you really DON’T deserve all this pain please just stop doing this for yourself, cause I am really done FROM DOING THIS TO YOU MAI , Mai first of all and from all around her, I know that she really want me dead cause she was really hurt because of me, a lot I really did made her suffer a lot and I really hurt her a lot with all my pathetic actions, and all my dumb thoughts ,with my ways in living with all my actions, I know Mai that I really hurt you a lot and, also I did put you in many hard poisons, I really did very awful things with you, but really Mai try to forgive me for all bad things I DID TO YOU , I really caused you A LOT OF PAIN , I know that I need a lot of forgiveness for every bad thing ,I really put you through, but really believe me, I will try to make it up for you, but really try to help me out please ,I just need your help in order to stop making you really suffer ,and also in order to feels really relief for the rest of your life ,so please just promise me ,that you will think about it honestly, regardless with all of the pain, I really caused you so please, Mai I am really giving you my hand to start a new page with each other, promising you that, I will stop really making you suffer, stop hurting you, that bad, but really can’t do it without your help, shall we start a new age please, I know that you are really kind and at least will try to help me, that you are the only one who really cares for me, cause when I really hurt you MAI, I really hurt myself, so I am here let’s check hands and do it Mai.

GREETING MESSAGE STABBED ME IN THE HEART

HI BLOGYI ,how are you happy Ramadan, well I guess ,I were really happy with Ramadan yesterday, but really something very strange ,just happened to me one hour after mid night from my ex husband, he is really greeting me for Ramadan, I were really shocked how dare him do that ,how dare him really ,after our last conversion which he really tarred me parts in it, after he left me in a very cruel way after his bad attitude toward me, how come he is so blind to really realize what he really did with me, how he really hurt me in a very bad and sever cruel way, as if he is treating an animal, when you really feels that this animal is really ugly dirty one and pathetic too, you just wanted to get rid of him very badly, so you he decided just to shoot him in the head to get rid of this animal without feeling any mercy for this animal not even for one sec ,he just took the gun and shot him between the eyes to make sure that he is dead and that this bullet will not miss its target for one percent, that it will get into this animal and just finishes him up nice and easy, and this animal will got lost forever with no trace, at all and he just didn’t bother himself to bury him, he really shot him and left him in the middle of the street without even caring to put him a side, the hell with it really get lost where ever you are, I just don't care, it’s just a dog and passed away the gone and will rot in hell body, it's just your faith, how come I do that with someone and leave him dead tiered apart and then suddenly, I decide to remember him and greet him for Ramadan, how come a person became so senseless tell this point, how come he is just blind can't even saw what he really done to this person, how come I can really face him again, it’s really very cruel what he really trying to do to me ,as if he really didn’t felt satisfied with the bullet between the eyes ,so it’s really not enough ,so I will get a knife and decided to stab him in the heart not to kill him cause he was dead long time ago ,no to really feel that I am really strong, I am very cruel, I could really damage others, and made them really suffer in any time ,I just want them to suffer, that’s the whole point that he really feels so strong when he really feels that feeling of victory, that's all ,but the really strange which I really discovered yesterday ,that he really lost his influence on me, that I really have enough pain from him, that I don’t love him anymore, that I really and finally did it ,make myself really hate him that much, I felt that he really lost a lot by losing me, cause if he really searched a lot in the whole world will not find anyone loved him, as I really did, will not find any more cause it's really very rare nowadays, I know that and I am very sure of it, also I realize that I am really froze inside me, I am used to run to him whenever he really appears whatever he had did, whatever he made to me, as if I decided to forgive him on anything, he really did to me, but I can’t anymore, really I am just filled up can’t take it anymore, really I am really done from him and from all, can’t really take a tiny thing from any one, I am really on the top, no place inside me to be really hurt in it, I am really filled, I am all scared everywhere, so it’s really the end, I know that despite of the fact that I really loved him so, and forgave him a lot, but really what he really done to me is really beyond any patience, beyond any love, beyond any human capability, so really sorry I can’t take this anymore even for a millions.

RAMADAN KAREEM

HI BLOGYI, I just wanted to tell you happy Ramadan ,I wish you happy Ramadan just full of forgiveness and full of good things, which make us nearer and nearer to god, it’s really strange this month it passes very quickly, as if it’s a week or something like that ,what I really love in this month is that everybody just try to do his best in his religion, I know that it’s strange to happens just one month in the year, but I guess one month is more better than never, I guess that ,the mosques becomes really filled up with people everywhere, they are just fasting all day praying after El Aisha, then they read a lot of Quran, and also they have El Sohor at night, all of this religious things, which are missing all the year, with its spirit around, it’s a nice spirit really make all the people good and nice ,as if they really decide to leave everything bad ,they are really used to do in this month ,as a lot of bad things, I guess everyone decide really to turns into a good person ,this good person inside as really shows up very obvious in Ramadan, all the people really gives the poor people, they are just so kind so good indeed, the morals changes a lot in this month ,this really what I love in this month ,I really when I see the mosques are filled with people praying in such big amounts, I feels that really Muslims are great just great they are everywhere filling every mosque, doing all the good things in the same time, and the kids really plays with the fanous, all over with Ramadan songs everywhere to listen to the kids just singing it, everywhere really we miss this atmosphere the whole year, it is not happening much except in this holly month, I guess it's full of happiness and holly things, and religious things too, well I know that Ramadan is coming this year in summer and fasting will be just hard on as, but I know that god will make the weather for as just fine ,cause he really have mercy on us, he loves us and really will try to help us all, but really this year I didn’t buy a fanous cause I hate buying it to myself, I didn’t really find someone to buy me, so I guess I will just except to put his photo in my blog instead of buying it happy Ramadan all, wish you all to be nearer and nearer from god, and to forgive as all, and will be our way to heaven Insha Allah

EVERTHING HAS A BEGINING HAS AN END

BLOGYI hi again I guess it’s really nice feeling the dawn fresh air its really after dawn with a little bit so the air is very fresh, very clod makes me feels , when it really touches my face and hair that everything will just be ok, and everything will be just fine ,I know that I am in a shitty period ,this period I know that will have an end cause really everything has a beginning has an end ,that what I am really sure of that every night had to have a daylight after, even this night was very long as in winter, the night hours are just very long so we just be inpatient to see the daylight but at the very end, will take its time and go leaving the sky ,so clear, so tender with its fresh air and with its touchy smell of the fresh air around I feels that this fresh air really touches me in a very tender way, really takes my whole body in his hug, and just playing in my hair with a very nice tender way, telling me, wait just wait, it will really end soon honey ,have faith in yourself and have faith in god ,I know that he is just there seeing me ,and feels with this war burning inside my chest, I know that he will lead me at the very end ,and will put me in the right track, but I know that, I had to be patient, had to be very patient in order to reaches my way out of this darkness, I told you before honey everything has a beginning must have an end ,I just hope with all my heart ,that I finally find my way out leaving everything sad or bad behind ,I hope just to have a new heart a new soul a new mind a new chance to relive again, to shut all the past doors with everything bad and sad in the past, I hope that I really have new Mai too, trying to live her age her life trying to leave that black eyeglasses away, and just stand on her feet again, with herself ,I really hope and I know that there is nothing impossible on god’s will

STOP BEING PATTETIC

HI BLOGYI couldn't sleep as usual, I guess I am going crazy ,I guess but really it’s becoming so ugly ,don't know really ,what do I have to do? Don’t know I really have a question, why am I being so weak? Why is that really, I don’t know all my life, I am well known as a fighter, as I am really strong very Stubborn, very stabile character, don’t know really what happened? its really strange why is that sudden change ?why do I turned into this person this opposite person of me, why is that ?a weak one ,a pathetic one, a dumb one, a self petty one, why do I turned to that person ?which I really hates a lot ?why do I suddenly became so weak ,as if I really can’t stand up on my own foot, I have to pull others to make me stand on my own foot, I had to pull them, I have to stick to others in order to stand, why do I really have to do this to myself why ?it's really very wrong thing to do, you know why? cause standing by others help first makes me feels pathetic more and more ,this first of all second make others really hurts me cause they think they are more better stronger in charge, so they hurt me so bad as a reaction for helping me at the very beginning, I guess it’s really my fault, I most stand up with my own foot with myself help with Mai power Mai energy not with others ,who really thinks that they are really have to hurt me so bad that for return for helping me out nooooooooooooooo I have to stop really, I have to stop being pathetic being that weak, I deserve to be better than that, I really need no one, I have to stop think of people as they are my safety, no they aren't ,I most really feel safe by myself not by others help, I have to stop being a climbing person , the same idea of the climbing plant ,it really needs a thing to climb on to really survive ,as if a helper to make it really live and survive this plant ,can't really live without this help, but I can do it, I have to stop really being a climbing person, cause those persons which I really liens on ,they are usually worthless ones with no use at all ,they just take this help they are doing to me as if she is very weak can’t really survive without us ,and when I am really get used to them and there help they just suddenly decide to stop this help to see her really Creeping on her knees to get this help or at least beg for it to get more and more from us ,how will she survive without our help probably ,no so she will really bare anything will be done to her to get this help she needs, No Mai no stop this crap please ,you need no help from others ,where is the strong Mai I used to had where is she? You must stop asking other people and beg them for help for just being there for you, as if you are really kissing their hands to do, no really fuck them fuck them all, who the hell do they think themselves they are? they are really worthless, nobody at all so please stop making them feels better when they see you like that very weak and pathetic stop it , cause if they aren't there for me, when I really need them ,then they are really worthless with no meaning at all to be in my life, the only problem that I have a lot of people in my life like that I guess the only thing that will really makes me better to terminate them out, cutting them out will makes me feels better will makes me feels strong again, I cant really make them push me to the bottom ,it’s not really right stop being weak stop searching for people to help ,stop if someone really likes to be near with his own will ,it’s ok not cause he really petty you and just wants to help ,not just cause he see me pathetic ,if he really likes to stick around ,no I need no one of these people, makes me feels very bad about myself and to break me again and I am the one who really give them this chance to do so ,as if I am dying without them, no I will live alone with no help at all ,and will survive screw them all screw their help ,they really must spare me and themselves that help, cause I need no one help

MAI AND THE DEIT

HI BLOGYI HOW ARE YOU THIS MORNING, you know what I didn't slept yet, I know that it’s really 10 in the morning, but believe me blogyi I tried very much to sleep but really couldn’t what so ever ,don’t know why as if sleeping ran out of me, as if I am asking for something harsh but really can't sleep at all, I am trying really with all my power but, I really think I will collapse at the very end cause my system will not take the lack of sleeping for long, it will collapse I guess that but, I guess this sleeping issue is really getting worse, at first I used to sleep 2 or 3 hours a day now I couldn't sleep at all what shall I do now ,do I have to surrender to this case and believes that sleeping now really became a hard dram to get ,or what anyway, I were staying at home for 6 weeks now, these six weeks were very harsh to me, I really felt as they were years but really felt they were too long also, I have a very bad habit when I am upset I used to eat specially sugary things they used to makes me feels really better, they give me power to fight the sadness and give me power to resume my life with a little smile on my face ,specially chocolate its really my favorite ,I adore it so much its magical to me ,I really feels it just put me in a very good mood when I have some, but really I love it very much and just love its influence on me, makes me feels as if I am really dreaming up high, especially when it's nice dark tasty one, I love it very much I adore it, but it really can’t eat a lot cause it's very bad in gaining weight, and I am really afraid of this problem I hate to gain weight, when I do I feels very upset feels very bad about myself, and also I feels very sad too, I hate to look in the mirror too cause ,I really hate to look in the mirror and find some meat where it didn’t belong, really but really sitting at home made me gain some weight, and this really makes me felt bad about myself, so I decided to go back to my diet and back to my diet pills again ,this pills are really magical they made me feels that I am not hungry at all, and when I even dare to eat I just can’t ,I guess it’s really closing my stomach very much to make me not thinking at all in food, so I really likes this pills even they makes me feel sick and my stomach hurt a little, but they really had good effect on me and really help me in losing weight by ,it’s a nice and easy to lose weight with, I am trying so much cause losing weight makes me feel better and, I really need to feels better right now, so I need to lose weight even if diet makes the person feels depressed but just in the beginning, I guess but when it shows its results and the cloths become baggy, I feels very nice about it ,and feels as if I really want to continue to feel better and better so just prey for me .

WAITING IS A TICKING BOMB

WAITING I hate just the word don't know really why do I hate it that much ,but really I am a very tidy person just love to be on my time ,I know that is something very rare nowadays ,but I am just very accurate in my appointments as if I am a clock ticking, without any reason actually but it’s really me, I love to be there before my appointments at least for 5 minutes but just love too cause ,I think that the person who really respect his appointments really respect himself ,so it really me being just on time, but really what bother me a lot is just waiting, not just waiting to someone to come also to something to happens, I feels as if I am melting down there, as if I am ticking bomb every second pass by, while I am waiting for anything ,waiting really makes me feels very disappointed, very mad very upset I feels as if I am really not respected, this feeling really could cause putting me in the mad house, really it means a lot to me and if I really wanted that thing or that someone very much the more I feels sad and upset the more I feels humiliated and really fucked ,that the only problem is that when you love something very much or someone you really couldn't stand wrong thing from him even if it is a tiny little thing cause this ting thing really hurts a lot ,as if it’s a great thing with tones of weight over your heart cause you really love a and warship that person you just think that it’s really very harsh, just to stand anything bad from him, anything you just feels as if hell really down below earth, cause of this happening to you by someone you love and really appreciate, and really you really thought that you makes some difference to him, and that you means something to him too ,I guess it’s just disappointment is what really happens, and makes you feels shit, feeling as if you can’t believe yourself ,how it could really happens ,really by someone you really love ,you really cares about how is love and caring being faced in such a bad way in such a rude way ,in such carless way, its fetal feeling for me ,unless so can you imagine a ticking bomb about to explode to ruin anything around, that’s waiting for me and then the disappointment after this waiting, is just the explosion of this bomb it really broke everything down leaving the biggest thing after this explosion as tiny as a thing can't be seen with the nicked eyes so imagine how painful could this be to me or to anyone that really thinks the same way as me.

MEN THE GREATEST MISTREY I THINK

MEN THE GREATEST MISTREY I THINK

I SOMETIMES thinks a lot and that really what makes me on the edge of madness cause my mind never stops thinking even when I am sleeping, I think my brain will never stops until I am finally dead ,I guess it’s the truth the only truth I am very sure of it ,anyway that’s not our issue here the only question, I really hope to find an answer for it is that, why when you deal with men kindly and in a nice way with a lot of attention with a lot of respect with a very smooth way full of tender and in a very touchy way, what really happens? he suddenly turns into a horrible person why is that ?he feels that he is really wanted and he is so valuable, then he decide to treat you with neglect ,carless way and really decide to treat you as if you are really some kind of a toy ,why is that ?is that some kind odd madness? Honestly I think so; I don’t know why life can’t be so simple

Why? Why do we have to complicit it by these actions why? Why do you have to be so mean, if I really find someone this someone treats me nice and really cares and really share with me happy moments ,why do I have to be mean with him, I could simply complete or just stop ,if I really want to, it’s so easy nice to be very clear as crystal, why do we have to act on others and on ourselves too ,why do we have to do so it’s really bad thing to do ,very bad I guess I think when I find someone really care I most appreciate this and care too, if really find that this person really deserve to care about, if he cares a lot ,I care a lot, if he was nice to me I will be nice to him I guess it’s some kind of action and reaction thing, it’s really goes both ways, that the normal thing to do but, really it never happens ,when the man knows that you really care you have some kind of a feeling toward him ,he just take it as an excuse to touchier you ,or to punish you on this care, and the most strange thing really that when you really treat him bad really bad he became very happy, he really appreciate you as if you are some kind a fortune ,as if he find someone really good and nice really good indeed ,so it’s so strange why is it have to be vice versa, why good treatment and nice one had to be faced by bad and ugly one ?why is that it’s really something makes me so confused makes me thinks thousand times before treating a man in a very good way, I have to treat him bad to gain him, why is that ?that’s really madness with all this word could really carry from meanings , I think they usually says that men are like dogs but even dogs don’t do that, so when they are treated good they really love you and worship you, and they are so linked to you then they can’t be equals to the dogs cause its really Injustice to the dogs ,guess it’s really some kind of illness its Sense of inferiority that he really feels complete when he do this with someone ,as if it’s really makes him feels his manhood and that he is really a good man which really can treat others bad, and also in control of others and of things, he really can says when he really be good to someone or even being so bad, I hope this illness vanish, I hope cause it really ruins any relationship cause its very normal to do so ,cause any person really respect himself will really be hurt by the feeling of being treated badly, and by the feeling of being unwanted it’s a horrible feeling ,but not all the people are straight forward not all of them are direct in treating people, not all of them appreciate you, or your feeling or even appreciate your needs to them ,they just put you under pressure cause you just show that you really care, is caring a crime ?and is it really deserve to be hang for ?is it ?why? Some normal person please answers me: why? Are we just too complicated to have even one relationship just being straight even for once in our lives???????

GAMBLING BETTER THEN DYING ALONE BY THE CORNER

GOOD MORNING BLOGYI, how you are just fine, I am fine thanks god, it’s ok I think but really have a very strange feeling ,how come you don’t know someone at all but when you heard his voice for the first time you find yourself just felt, that you know him long time ago, as if he is your friend for years as if you talked to him millions of times before ,but this is not true at all he is a total stranger to you, I guess it’s something in the human chemistry that makes you feels that way ,I guess that souls have strange way to communicate with each other they have some kind of links out there with no explanation at all ,that’s made you feels that you are half crazy ,just half cause you have the feeling of familiarity that makes you feels so strange why ?why it really happens? I don’t know why? but I guess everything in this world really have a reason this reason the only one who really knows is god, but this feeling really exist regardless of these persons may have different countries or may be talking different languages or may be different religious, but really strange that you really can talk to someone who is really a total stranger to you as if he is your body for years, you can share with him a lot of personal details in your life, this details which you kept for yourself for years as if they are your top secrets ,you find yourself opening your heart to him with no limits at all,? This is what’s really strange is that how come it happens so easily? Sometimes it takes years to happen or may be it never happens at all, then how come? that’s really odd the feeling that someone open your inner world and not just opened it but he really jumped into it and you let him to or maybe you took his hand to do so as if you really wanted him to do so ?is that crazy? is that normal even at all ?I guess it's really normal when you really feels very lonely you are really searching for someone to share something with you I really miss the feeling to talk to something human no offence blogyi but may be its a normal feeling to feel, so please don’t be upset please you will be my friend for ever but if you aren't so gallous from me having another friends, but I guess not ,I know that you love me blogyi and hope the best for me and hope to see me happy, I know that friendship would really makes me happy and makes me feels not that sad not that alone I know that loneliness makes me worse so, I think getting out of my solitary will be better for me to be not alone specially in this period of my life, anyway I am really trying with all my effort, so I think if I really succeed in that will be much better that's really what I think so ,what do you think blogyi ,am I right or just being unrealistic as usually, I think I am so blind trying to find my way in the darkness with no one to help at all ,I know it took a lot of effort to do so but, I guess doing it this way better then someone to help me ,then hurt me again so, I guess it’s a difficult equation contains a lot of rescue but, I guess life as a whole is a rescue, it’s just a gamble game a big one actually you gamble in it but not with a small value, you really gamble with your whole life, but if you decided to be afraid near the wall will die there watching and never been a part of this life and will live and die by the corner alone too feeling so pathetic and self piety, so I think gambling is much better then dying this way alone by the corner with no one even notice that you are dead .

OCTOPUS OF MEMORIES

HI BLOGYI good day to you, I hope you are just fine well, I wake up very late today cause I slept really about 8 o'clock in the morning don’t know really I have a lot of problems in sleeping in a normal way don't really know why ?I sleeps and then wake up about thousands times with no reason at all as if someone wakes me up, I wake up to find the room very dark very quiet with no reason at all to wake up, I guess this is the feeling of unsecure although I sleeps beside Saif for 5 days in the week ,tell every Thursday and Friday he just goes to his grandfather ,well he is very naughty boy makes a lot of noise all day long with al lot of energy which is usually spent on me, I am yelling almost all day long but I guess I am really get used to it very much and, I am also very nervous now a days with no reason at all without knowing where this nervous really come from exactly but it’s ok I get used to this too I guess with no problems in dealing with it .

Don’t know why? as if I am a time bomb about really to explode all the time .don’t know the reason although I read Quran a lot and pray too but still have a lot of rage and anger inside a great amounts as if they are really tones of it crowded in my heart with no place for them all, it’s very messy in there very , I don’t know how can I really get rid of it ,as if they really locked inside me with no space to get out through a lot more then you can imagine, as if it’s really a prisoner inside me, as if it’s really under sedge, hope to know why this negative power ,I think the only reason that makes me upset all the time nervous all the time unhappy all the time ,with no idea how can I deal with it? And with its existence deep down below ,and getting worse every day, when memories came out too it really turns into an octopus with very long hands suffocating me keeping me from breathing as if it really pushes my throat very strong to really get rid of me very fast, but when I slow down and think what do I have to remember, I didn’t do anything wrong, I was very patent tell the end, I wasn’t the mistaken one and all this memories is just a lie ,I really lived in it with nothing really to be sad on ,how can I be sad on a lie, I guess cause, I was happy with this lie I know that I was illusion and I wasn’t happy at all bit I guess I was happy with this illusion with this acting as if I am a baby happy with a toy in his hand even it wasn't his even he got to go home and leave it where it really belong ,really I guess I was this baby happy with things which really didn’t belong to me weren't mine from the very beginning but, I guess the feeling of happiness which really I felt even it was really a fake who makes me felt that way anyway, this octopus really suffocate me with his long hands with no mercy at all, I am trying very much to get rid of him but it’s out there waiting for me to see me in this mood to attach me, as if I am a victim, he loves to attach and to eat me from inside out with no mercy or no caring at all about what that really make her feels it finishes me out every time leaving me tiered a parts, as if I am little tiny parts just thrown away out there, when it see me again it really repeat it over and over again, as if it’s really some kind of punishment happening to me again and again and over again, I don’t know where to really hide I can really hide from anyone except from this octopus cause he really know where to find me and how to get me and how to finishes me out, he is the winner with no competition at all he really knocks me out from the first punch so,no one can rescue me really, oh god please help me .

A FILLED BALLOON

Do you know what I really miss? a lot, I miss care, I miss tension, I miss being there, I miss being alive, I miss being myself ,I miss laughing from my heart, I miss tender touch I miss nice words, I miss company, I miss believing in myself, I miss being near someone who really cares, I miss being loved, I miss being valuable, I miss being important, I miss being exist, I miss feelings, I miss talking to someone, I miss eating with someone ,I miss drinking with him ,miss worm touch, miss being with someone hold my hands ,miss being Mai the happy one the tender one, miss the feeling of care and love for someone, miss going out with someone, talking in the phone for hours, miss be felt, I miss the feelings all, I miss waking up on his voice, miss sleeping at night on his voice too, miss feeling secured, miss being safe in his arms, miss being protected by his presents, miss being cared about what I eat what I drink ,cared about everything I do, about anything I need, miss going out with him to buy cloths, going together to the cinema, miss talking a lot, miss laughing together, miss finding someone to weep my tears off my face, to lien on his shoulder, to cry in his hug, feel worm with his body temperature, feeling happy, the only problem is that I am really filled up with this feelings to the top, but I really don't find anyone deserve it not because I am a special person, no I am not but really no one near or close deserve that no one and I hate the feeling of giving these feelings to someone doesn't really deserve it, I feel as if I am a balloon filled with air very filled it’s really about to explode but really don't know where to do I am suppose to be that way with all this feelings held inside me without any space to pour this feelings in. I think keeping them inside better than being hurt again with someone cruel if cause I am done of cruelty and really done of being hurt its really awful to give and take nothing or give good feelings worm ones and take only bitter and cruelty .why is that? Do I really deserve that do I? I give these feeling with all my heart truly and very sincere ones. Why no one appreciate that? Why they really mean to hurt me why? Why are they so happy when they did? I hurt no one harm no one did nothing wrong to be treated that way don’t really know .why is that? but the only thing I know that it’s too hard for me and I really can't take it anymore I am really tired and can’t take this. it’s so cruel ,so harsh I am really done .

THAT'S MY LIFE

IMAGINE FOR A SECAND that you are in a dark room empty one with nothing in it at all ,you just hear the wind sound, you just feels very cold very scared all your body shivers, your voice just held in your throat you can’t even scream you can't even shout, your tongue is really froze in your mouth and your eyes are just cover with some kind of a dark cloth you can’t see a thing, your legs can’t hold you up they are preleased very week can’t really stand you up just can't , your arms can't move your hands are cuffed, your lips cant taste a thing can't even be opened your ears can’t hear a word or a sound your heart is just crying but with no sound your heart is just speechless have nothing to say have nothing to do I guess it's just waiting for a miracle to happen in a time with no miracles happens in it , so what that makes you feel? I guess this is a question with no answer what so ever?????????

THAT 'S MY LIFE

DO YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY MAKES ME SAD

HI BLOGYI I hope I am not disturbing you but I really know that you are my only shelter I have, you are the only ears I have you are the only hug I have you the only tender touch I have sorry but I know that I lien a lot on you lately please forgive me but it’s really the truth cause I have no one but you blogyi what really makes me feel sad is that I can't find someone who really understand me understand my thoughts and my feelings my needs and my inner language don’t know why am I really that difficult you know I am very clear can be easily read but really blogyi why is this happening to me??? I am not asking for too much I am not I just ask for someone sincere someone who really care to be there someone feels me, be there for me try with a little effort to help, to have a little time may be seconds to be there for me, why is that so difficult? If it is, then, why I am not really convinced that it is?? I don’t ask for the impossible I know that everyone has his own life his own concerns his own way of living I just want to feel that I am not alone, I am a part of something even a tiny part but I really want to feel that I belong to someone or to something is that too much why do people really treats me as if I am mad I am not I am just looking for the feeling of secure of the company of someone I just want to be worm and safe with no obligations from this person what so ever, is that too much to ask for to be something valuable to be just something cared for to be something really with little attention, I don’t know what’s really wrong blogyi am I really asking for too much I am just asking to be listen to be not alone to be cared for to be a part of something better is that too much really tell me cause I am really fucked from this feeling everyone really looks to me as if I am a crazy person how are you dare to ask? How are you daring to dream? How are you daring to wish? I just dream cause I really didn't find this dream, is it too much to dream of something you really feels that you will never have in your life, if I really stop dreaming I really might die cause dreaming is the only thing which really make my life a little easier, and it makes me want to wake up in the morning cause may be today will be better than yesterday, if I didn't dream then why I wake up? why do I live what so ever with knowing that life will be worse and worse don’t know blogyi am I that crazy to dare and dream should I stop dreaming and go somewhere and die alone should I ??

MY PYRAMID OF PRIORITIES

HAPPENIESS it is really a magical word full of a lot of meanings do you know why? cause its really different from one person to another that means that every person has really reasons or some things that really can makes him feels happy really very satisfied of himself as if it’s really some kind of a pyramid this pyramid have its base and also have its top the base is the skeleton or the structure of this pyramid really build on I know it’s really strange but it’s the truth I know that every person really have his priorities in his life and its really depends on many things such as the kind of personality he really has and on the principles he was really brought up on and also in his point of view in this life and also on the type of him on his way of thinking all this elements really gathering can shape how the person would really build this pyramid how would he decide to build it to arrange it according to his own needs and also who he really thoughts its really nice to know first and decide then which kind of persons are you??? and also which type you consider yourself of and then how you are going to arrange this pyramid on what bases and also on how many elements from how many floors will be consisting of???me for an example the first base I really build everything on it in my life will be how to feel everything as a first step this feeling make me realize if I really wants to make this step or not just I am not very sure of it and of course thinking of it to make it my feelings usually on the first step so really my first step is the feeling the second will be my heart I usually listen to my heart even its very bad in judging things but I really respect his opinion cause it’s nice to do what your heart tell you cause doing something you really feels so nice to make something you really feels it really taste good very tasty very good indeed so I guess it’s so lovely to follow your heart and feelings too I guess that and also thinking of it cause really thinking make me feels strong powerful as if I am shining it's really reflects from thinking and not any kind of thinking it’s really deep thinking that will flew over the silly and naive thinking so it had to be deep and really has his dimensions too then after thinking I guess the relive if you really feels relive about doing something then go ahead forward cause being satisfied will make you really feels better about yourself then self respect it’s important to respect yourself in order to be respected by the others and also to love yourself to be loved by them too it’s a coin with two faces then I guess its happiness at the very end if you really reached it but it's very rare to find and can accomplish it but if you really did then you can open any door with this key as if it’s a magical key which really opens any door no matter what it 's really made of or how powerfull it is ?? so really believe me happiness could really be reached by get nearer to god you really feels that you are satisfied and feel a lot of secure and also that you are not alone in this world he is there for you listen and help in all the times I guess this is my pyramid so I wonder how is your pyramid blogyi? and what are your priorities ?

SUPER MAI

HI BLOGYI I hope you are just fine really well I am not that good I guess it’s my normal way of living to be not that good at all so blogyi I guess you just getting used to me on this way well I need really to change I love to change my place at least but where the hell should I go don’t have any idea what so ever really blogyi I am not a bad person I am a good one please don’t judge me with my actions I know that I sometimes do some things without any thinking what so ever as if my mind is really out of order it’s really a strange thing that you really know that you are doing something not right and will really hurt me somehow but I decided to do it at the very end I guess its just a way to escape from my present by doing things which is not me at all when I really think about it I really thinks it wasn't really done by Mai it’s done by another one I don’t know what so ever this one was a total stranger to me as if I am turning to someone on the opposite of me to try to feel better to feel happy for a change and you know what is really funny that when I am back to myself I don’t really remmber how I really had been able to do that things I think it’s the same theory of superman he is the shy guy with the fear to do anything or to come near from anyone he is just a prisoner but really a prisoner inside himself locked deep inside but really locked with his own will as if he really loves to be a prisoner inside himself as it’s his own shelter which he really feels very comfortable by this way as if it’s really a protective shield he really turns into to protect himself from any harm but when the chance really came to turn him to the opposite one woooooooow superman brave rescue everyone a real hero as if he turns into some kind of legend but without his will this time he just turned to what he really wanted to be even for minutes and then back to his nature that's what really happens to me I sometimes turns to someone on the opposite of my character bold don’t think at all have no care to anyone with no fear from anything its strange what I could really turns into but the only different that I really regret the actions i had done when I am back to my nature but superman don’t he is very prude of himself but I really feels very shame of myself strange way strange feeling any way I guess I have something from superman I am super Mai