The right to do what I really want

Hi Blogyi missed you a lot but I am really not in a very good mood to talk so that why I really left you for a long time without Even asking about you at all but you know blogyi I am not really in a good mood since I left work I feel too lonely as if a big part of me died don't know blogyi but I am really not happy I know that everything has a beginning has an end I know that really know it even the chatting I become not inserting in it I feels as if I built a very high wall between me and the whole world this wall as it really protect me from everything around and also make me feels as I am well protected but I feel that this wall beside protection its a lot suffocate me from breathing and take my needs of oxygen as welI I feel as if I am locked inside myself with a feeling really strange i know that i am the one who locked me inside myself and its really strange but really i am so afraid to let that wall go cause i think its my only defend against the whole world I am at home from days since I really left work don't feel like leaving it at all don't have the feeling of going out with anyone at all as if I am a prisoner but I am the one who locks me inside inside myself inside my home don't know why when I really talks with anyone don't know why they really treat me as if i am their own as if they really owns me don't do or do that as if their really buy me or won me don't know why is everyone treats me as if i am his thing nope I am not a thing I am a human being which has his rights his feeling his special character which really has his belongs and his needs his all personal things not allowed to every one to try to control me to tray to move me as if i am some kind of a game I am not a game I am really a person not a toy who belong to anyone but myself I am Mai and Mai is a person this person has every right to do what ever I really want bas