Good Mood Rabena Yoster

what 's up I think that I wake up this morning in a really good mood, and that is really strange but I am really happy with that very much,thanks god for that day, I really think that cause today is Thursday, I really love it very much, and also cause I go out on it,as my free day , so Ii guess its my favorite day in the whole week,I guess this is the reason behind being in a good mood today ,its really nice to wake up happy feeling free that is really nice, cause its really don't happen to me a lot but when it really happens I really become on the top of the whole world, I am really glad that I am in that mood, and I really hope it last for ever and hope it will stay with me all day long, that what I really likes a lot, I know that is really difficult to keep this mood at work ,cause problems keep happening to me, but really I will try with all my best just pray for me, that this mood will last with me for very long very very long time, I really wish to be that cheer up always ,you just feel that you are really want to fly up hight without any wings that is nice in deed.

Looking For The Perfect

Hi blogyi,I wonder why?really I don't know why?people always search for the perfect but why do they really think that this perfect really exist, that is really strange,cause its really don't exist what so ever I know that cause I really used to be one of those who are looking for that perfect,I searched and searched a lot then I suddenly stopped thinking, cause I really realized one thing that nothing is perfect what so ever I really knew that very much ,including me some people really think that I choose my nick name no angels on earth cause I do think that I am the only angel on earth,or cause I am really consider myself as an angel,I am not I am just a human being I used this nick name not because I am an angel but to remind myself that there are no angels around, stop please searching for them, they really don't exist around on earth, so I really used it as some kind of a reminder for myself, but also life dont give us all things really want, that cause we are not really in heaven, we are on earth, so we must really suffer a lot in it, cause this is life we had really to suffer a lot and to have a lot of problems around us filling our whole life with it that what really happening around us, but really that is the truth around us all, I wonder why do they really except the perfect, the perfect world who really doesn't exist what so ever, that is the only thing I am really positive of it.

Alone With My Own Cat

ALONE WITH MY OWN CAT,YOU KNOW WHAT , at first I really hated the idea of having a cat, I really hated it very much, but suddenly I realized that it wasn't such a bad idea after all, it really plays around me all the time, she made me feels that I am not that alone, she always eats with me and she also made some noise in a house really full with quietness around ,with no sounds what so ever as if it's really a house of the dead, but don't know the reason why I really love it to be that way, and also I feels very comfortable in it very much don't know the reason what ,I just feels that everything in there is just mine, and everything is around suits me a lot, as if they were really created to be the way, and with this order I know it and also feel it very much, since Ii moved there about one one month ago, so Ii know that I am not on the edge of happiness but I am feeling very comfortable as a change, that's what relief me deep deep inside, so it's really nice to have yourself a home, and your own privacy at that home.

Strange Weekend

Well hi blogyi it was really a strange weekend cause I had a lot of bad things happened to me without knowing the reason of all of that, but its really strange cause it was after each other as if they are coming in order for such special weekend, so it was really a very nice weekend ,first I lost one of my very few friends I had cause I discovered after talking to him for a long time that he really don't ask about me unless in his spare long time , he was dealing with me as some kind of a toy when he had some spare time he asks about me, when is very occupied he totally forgot about me don't ask about me even for once, and that really made me felt very humiliated in deed cause really I am not anybody's toy, I am a person with feelings and with a sensitive nature ,but really no one cares about that what so ever, and I also don't know what's the reason behind that, why do people turns into selfish basters, why is that I just saw it really strange but when I really focus on it I found it some kind of normal nowadays, so I don't know tell when I will be surprised with people actions, I must stop feeling astonshed by that, mai please stop tourchering yourself everyday just stop doing that to yourself ,then I really met a new friend this friend I really liked him a lot and i had very hight hopes for him as a person, I really don't know why but it was just a feeling, I really had it when I talked to him, but you know what my feeling was very wrong in deed don't why I guess the only reason behind that is that I really had hight hopes toward people I really don't know why or from where I bring this hope from where so i was really upset cause i were really very wrong in all my the expectations toward him, and also I went to get my son back from my mum's house imagine what happened with him too , he really refused to come with me cause he told me that he want to play with his friends in my dad's store, so he refused to come with me and told me that he will stay at mum's for all holiday in order to play and have fun ,so I will stay alone for a while at home a lone with my little kitty, I hope that she will not decide to leave me too,as my own son ,and my collage at work was very ill recently, so she had to take a vacation around 15 days and I had to carry all her work out alone and this is very heavy stress on my nervous, my poor weak nervous ,also my mum is really upset of me cause I leaves saif there and won't agree to stay there with him, cause really I don't feel that comfortable there but it really the truth, I can't deny it ,also saif had got very bad marks in his exams and that really disappointed me very much and made me felt very down and stress, so I guess all of that combined together to destroyed me and made me felt very low self steam and really disappointed.

I AM Really Am Sad For Egypt

Well I am really sad for Egypt,it was really a very hard shock for her and for every Egyptian too,I were really disappointed cause of yesterday match, I know that I weren't the only one who felt that way, but really I don't know why all of us were really excepting that Egypt will win that match ,we really had a very hard hit on the head as if someone really took a gun and really shot all the country in the head, all people around including me feels deep shit, and all of them are really sad and upset feeling very down, and really a very upset, so I guess we cant say but really hard luck Egypt, and we really wished that we had really won the match ,so it is really a very bad thing to describe,I am really some kind of speechless and feeling very very very low self steam, but really I know that this bad feeling will take it's time and will go away ISA, and we all will be fine soon ISA.

Something Really Wrong With me

well blog really I dont know, I really woke up this morning feeling very lazy in deed without knowing the reason of that, I really felt that I want to do nothing except sleeping in bed all day long without any reason of that, as if I were really beaten up to death by some kind of monster, and also don't know the reason what or why, but that was my feeling when i really got out of bed today, I were really very lazy to take off my cover and stand up out of my own bed, I guess I just wanted to get out of this mood ,but really I couldn't do that to myself,I felt as if I really wanted to be left alone all day long without even speaking to anyone around me even for saying good morning, that is really strange cause it is without any reason what so ever ,but really I am not that well this morning, so I guess I know that today is Thursday, and I really used to get out in it as some kind of breaking down the rotten of the week, that is what I try to do every weekend, but even going out also is very heavy on me today, I don't know why is everything seems that difficult even standing up from my chair at work ,so I guess I will go home today after work without going any where, cause I really don't feel like going anywhere today ,so happy weekend laying down in bed with my sweet kitty cause saif is at his grand 's house so really don't know what's wrong with me hoping that what is really wrong will end soonnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

LIVE IT EVEN WITH AN ANIMAL

I SOMETIMES wonder what my dream is ?really I don't have one what so ever,so I decided really to find what is saif's dream, so I really find it so simple, he is really dreaming of having a cat, I know that he is really dreaming of getting it cause he is really a lonely child, we are really living a lone and that is not that easy on a 9 years old child, so I really decided to make his dream come true cause its really nice that someone really care to makes your dreams come true ,that is really nice thing that you had someone who really care about you as a person and about your dreams come true as a whole, so I guess saif is very lucky to have me, anyway I am just kidding,so I decided to buy him a cat in order to made him happier that is what I wanted to do for him,so I bought him one nice kitty, it is really three colors white black and orange too, it is really nice one but she is really very naughty one, I guess she loves to play, I guess she is a baby too as saif ,that what I really think so, I was not that happy when I got it cause its really some kind of responsibility, so I bought it and I wasn't really that happy with this design, but I really did it for saif sack's, I really love to see his smile ,and and also to see him that happy, anyway I bought it, but I realized one thing you know what that it's not that bad after all, I don't know but I really felt that it is nice, cause she really liked me a lot, she is like a litle baby she sleeps in my hug and she really clumb me up in order to sleep between my arms, she is depending on me in order to eat and in order to drink and in order to do everything, its nice to really feel that you are really important to someone, he is really depending on you to do everything, and that he is really attached to you to really do all things, that is really a great feeling to feel a life and nice to feel it, even with an animal that what I really find that is really a marvelous feeling to live it even with some kind of an animal ,I JUST now knew why they decide to live with animals when they are living alone, that is why cause the animal satisfies the feeling of need inside them cause everyone feels with his important from the need of him from others need of him, when they are really in need for him ,so very good and healthy too to feel your importance to others in your life so I am really glad to feel that even with a cute little animal like lucy, my son named her that and I am really happy that I really could made him felt happy.

MOVING ISSUE

HI blogyi, really missed u like hell I know that it had a while since I really wrote anything in you,I know that you must have been very upset of me,and I know that it is really your right to be very upset,but you know that I was really moving from my parents house,so it was really a difficult period,I was really doing a million things to do, so I had really to very busy in deed doing a lot of things in order to finish this step in a right way ,without any mistakes what so ever, so I guess that was very hard to do ,but thanks god I really did it, and I really manged to move from my parents house with no damages what so ever, so I guess its really nice that I finished this step without any problems what so ever, specially that I had a lot of problems in my parents house before I leave it so I had really to leave it before theses problems got bigger and bigger ,so I know that I finally finished everything up,so its really nice to end it in a proper way.

FINSHING THINGS UP

I know that buying the fernature is just a step toward what I really want ,I know that today I am going after work to buy my bedroom and my computer and my t.v and dish, I am really tired a lot today but I had to buy them today cause I had to do it today ,but I will not move from my mums unless after a week ,cause I really had to get my salery before I move ,cause I still had a lot of thing to buy , which I really need it before I really move from my mum's house, I know that I am just feeling that I really had a lot of weight over my shoulders and heart that what I really feel but I know that is I had to take all the responisblety for myself and also for my son but really I will go today and will try to finsh that all today, cause I dont have any hoildays this week ,what I really want is to finsh the moving from my mum quickley nice and easy, cause I am really feeling that this step is really standing on my heart and feeling that I want to get rid of the period that is what I really need to do ,but at least we will get our saleries on sunday when we really got payed, I will have enought money to move and buy some of the things which is I really need ,that what I am really postive of it very much, I know that when I finsh that up I will feel very comfortable and relaxing too,and that what I am really hopping to get through, pray for me all to finsh that up, and to move safe and fine without any problmes, what so ever ,I am really hopping that happens from the bottom of my heart .

IT MAKES YOU WANT TO GIVE HIM ALL

Hi blogyi ,you know what I wrote my contract yesterday,I did it finally, I was really happy that I finally got my own apartment, finally I am free for a change, I know that its really a nice thing that you had your own flat to go where ever you want ,to sit however you want, to stay as you really want ,and as you really wish to do what ever you really want to do ,that is what I am really happy about, cause I am really missing this very much,and I want really to be free from now till for ever, I know that , I am postive of it very much, and also I know that saif also will be very happy, cause I really promised him that I will bring him the cat he wants throw all his life, that what I really want ,so I know that he is really happy with our moving cause my mum never let him have a cat or a pet with any kind ,that what I am really postive of ,so I know that he wanted a cat very much, so he really wanted to do anything in order to have it actually he is now counting days, this in order to buy a cute nice cat ,and he really wanted to pick her up from the pet store, and he is very happy about it very much, and I am really happy that I am doing him somthing that really will makes him happy, I love to see his smile ,that what I want the most ,to make him happy and active, and also to make him shining as usuall, when I really saw him upset, Ifeels terriable, and I would like to make him really happy all the time ,but really sometimes it gets out of my hand without the otheratey of doing a thing what so ever, and the feeling of being paralized is really bad, specially when it is toward someone you really love cause in this moment ,you would do everything to do that in a very tender and nice way that how you can show him how you really love a lot, and how you really appereicate him and woreshep him a lot more then all the people around or in the whole world ,and that is the nicest thing in this case, that you really prefer him more then the others, and also will do everything for him, for just him that what I really like the most in this case .

FINALLY FREE

I know that this step was really important to me ,I had to do it years ago, but really I didn't realize that I needed it very much since I was divorced for the secand time, it was really a hard step and really hard time ,but thanks god I really passed it safe and fine ,but really I realized that I really had to made a home for myself ,cause I am not happy what so ever ,I know that I realized it very late ,but really I am very sure, I need it very much even they told me that there is no need for that, you already come from work very late, and also no need for paying money in rent ,and to pay a lot of money in building a house from the zero point, that what I really thinked about at first, I really tried to do it very much, but I know that was really worthless in deed ,cause I am not really happy what so ever ,so I really finally manged it with myself and really took the design to move out from my family house ,I know that it really wasn't an easy step to do ,but I am really fially free spirt at the very end, I am really happy that I really manged it, and also I am really happy that I could really do that in a good way really hope me luck cause I really need a lot ofd it in this peroid specially and in my whole life in deed.

Saif is really sick

Hi blogyi hope you are ok, I know that it had been a while since I had wrote something in you i know that, cause I am really some kind of bored, beside I had really a lot of work to do as usuall beside saif is really sick he had a very hard cold which really made him very poor in deed, and I am really feeling very bad for him this really what Ifeels toward his COLD.but really I am not happpy cause he is really sick ,but it will pass I am very sure of it kind of posstive toward it hopping that he will be well soon cause even he is really nauty but I love him when he is really active even when I am yelling all day long in his face for his nauty actions ,but really when he is really ill I feels really awful toward him, so I hope that he is better and that he return back to his nature very soon isa .

DEALING INSIDE THE STORM

I GUESS its very strange to have a computer at work, cause Iusually don't have one prevet or one for my own, so its a strange feeling to happen,I know that it's very normal to all ,but not for me ,cause I dont have a computer at work, so it's some kind of nice to have it for a change ,so blogyi even it is really bad day but I am almost over it ,I am trying very much to get over this mess as I really can,even today is really full of work, I also learned a lot of things new things actually for me ,so I guess learning is a lot better then sitting without any work what so ever ,so sitting with a lot of work to do and with a lot of tention is really better then sitting with nothing to do what so ever, I love to work so that the day would really pass away very fast while working that what I really like very much to do ,and to happen too,so I guess it is a weapon but with two eadges cause working makes you really connect with people, and connecting really create a lot of problmes with them but not dealing with them makes you really stand frozen without learning or dealing with there problmes what so ever,so even with problmes I am happy to deal with people cause I am really learning something really new and important to in my work as a whole , that's what Iam really happy with ,SO it's good for me a lot to work in this situation which is kind of complecated but really it is easy to handle it while being directly inside it ,as a storm that you can imagine it and also imagine what you can do in it when it really comes, but it is really different from really being inside it ,and face it, face to face that's far away from imagining things out, or making a plain for something you didn't face or didn't even see it , it before or without putting yourself face to face with it, in a direct way that is the creation itself cause putting yourself in the situation a lot better then being a viwer from an outside point, I guess that is my point of view may be it is not right but I am really convenced with it very much cause I really tried it a lot, and I really discovered that, it's a nice stratigey to deal with things when you are in the middle of it.

WAW WHAT A NICE START FOR A DAY

WAW what a start for such a nice day,really a wonderful day which started with fight.it is really nice,I just waked up in a nice mood just saying good morning to all surroundings,tries to begin a nice day with a smile as I try everyday ,but really something must really comes up to turn everything upside down,as if it didn't meant to be,to be just happy for once as if it's something not normal to be that way,anyway it was really a very bad way to start that way,but really I am not glad at all with this new day,and with with this start too,so I guess it is bad start for an isuue in my blog too,but really as usual I am not that happy what so ever,so I decided to skip this subject and make myself as I didn't see all of that,as if I am really dreaming of something really not that good ,specially I waked up really early today around 4 am cause my brother was really ill and my dad had to took him to the hospital at dawn ,so it was really a busy morning full of silly things bad things ,don't know the reason behind all of that ,I guess it is some kind of normal thing to happen to me at anytime ,I wake up in a nice mood feeling happy ,I just find a thing to made me felt bad deep down inside ,this what I am really feeling inside myself, but I guess this is really normal thing to happens so ,its ok if it really happened ,so I guess I am just feeling this shit deep inside cause I think that this lady or the office manger which really yelled at my face in an ugly way was a pretty bad thing to happen in the early morning,specially from this garbage lady which I really hate her a lot feels very bad towards her, as a person in general,so I wanted to kill her or stab her in the heart,or just shock her with my own hands,for her talking way in talking to me,so the hell with her in general fuck her in deed .

A JOURNEY TO THE ZOO

I HAD last week a journey to the zoo, cause Saif really insists that he really need to go out ,and he really wanted to have a journey to the zoo ,cause he really love the zoo and really love to feed the animals, and also love to see them, and also love to feed them with his own hands, so I tried to make him feels happy as a change, but really I Wanted to give him a journey as a change cause I rarely take him out cause, I am always tired from work, and from going out, so I always stay with him at home in the holidays, and in any vacation, that is really me I am very lazy as concerning going out,I really prefer to stay at home more then really going out with him, or with anyone else, this me or the really Mai, I guess I am very traditional person, and a boring one too, that is the truth which I really love to confess it with my own tongue, and with my own mouth too, anyway I took him to the zoo he was really happy with this journey, he started and feed some animals and was really happy with this journey, anyway I really made him drew on his face cause he really love it very much, he drew a spider man on his face with colors, and was really happy with it then he asked me to buy him something from there, when I opened my bag I didn't find the purse, I searched in my bag the whole bag for it, I really couldn't find it anywhere I were really angry cause it really had all my papers in it, and that really means that I had really to make all the papers again ,and that means a lot of effort and routine places and employees, and that was very bad for me ,so I took him home and I were really sad and angry too, but really there were nothing in my hands to do, so I really sat on the bed and cried for hours with nothing to do except crying helpless , what so ever with a very bad mood in deed and nothing to do or think about ,Saif sat beside me with a very bad feeling in his eyes saying to me that he is really sorry that I were robed, cause he is the one to blame cause he was the one who really insists to take me out ,but really I felt bad for him and told him that it was really ok and it wasn't really his fault, and I really stopped crying for him, cause I really wanted him to stop blaming himself for me, I felt very bad about it, so I really stopped crying and hugged him and he really stopped feeling bad for me, that is the only result I got out from this journey to the zoo, I know that I really goes out a little or really rarely, but this accident made me really don't want to go out any more, cause I am really done with all of this shit, and can't take this anymore this is the end of the zoo journey.

NOT HAPPY WHAT SO EVER

YOU know what I am not really happy about that, I will be really separated from my friends cause we will open a new branch for our company, it will be in el mohandesen ,so they will all join the new branch, but I will work in the old one, that is really what I am not very happy about, cause I know that I will be alone again, I were really happy with my new friends, and also hopped to stay with them, and that we all work in the same place together, but really will never happens , so I must really except this fact, I will really try to do that but really, I am not very happy with it at all don't know why, but it is the truth and I must really try to deal with this fact, this is what I am trying to do in this period, but really I am not happy at all with it, don't know why I am still feeling that I am totally a stranger in this new work, I am really try to be friendly and I am also trying to feel that I am in a place which is very familiar to me, but I really cant do this don't know why, I feels like there is a wall standing between me and between doing this, I don't know why but this is really the truth, I am really dealing with this fact now, I have some friends but I am still feels that I am totally a stranger for them, I cant really feel as if I am really am home, or as if I am really happy, cause I am really not happy with this all, but I know that nothing really nowadays makes me feels happy, I also have a lot of problems at home, I had a fight with my mum,I really feels that I am totally a stranger in my own house, I live there and I sleep there as if I am in a hotel not more not less,I feels that I am really alone with no one what so ever don't know why is that, but really I am NOT feeling happy what so ever, the reason I guess is me, cause I am sad deep inside nothing can really change this fact, and the funny thing is that what ever I do, where ever I go, what ever I eat what ever I had, I don't feel it what so ever, don't really know why, I really hate this feeling but its my own feeling, don't know how I can really describe it, but it is really the truth what so ever I am not happy at all

LIFE JUST GOSE ON

hi I know that it had been 10 days or more since I wrote a letter in you, and I know very much that you are very sad of me, but really it is not my fault what so ever ,the last days were very messy really I had a lot of stuff to do, so that I had to do them with all my strength, I had a course at work really this course was a long one it took all day, I started it at around 9 and finishes it around 5 pm so I had to have it all day, I really go home very tired in deed to find saif with tones of work too, homework and studying to do with him, I am the only one who really study with him his homework , so I had to do all the studying and homework to sleep like a dead person till six am in the morning really I am going in a circle, I know that I really had a spare time and I also love to work a lot but not like that I am really very tired, I slept yesterday from 9 pm till 11 and half am, this morning without feeling a thing what so ever, but the only thing I really love that the day passes very quick by itself, but really it is a lot better then passing very slowly when I am staying at home doing nothing what so ever so, I know that it is very good for me .

THEY SAID LIMITS JUST SUFFOCATE

what I am really thinking about right now is doing something new to break down the ice in my borning life .is that ok that you really have ice of bordness in your life. is that really ok or is that not exceptable in our livies,I know that everything in our live has limits ,this limits are really important in order to arrange lifeI know that limits are really something not good ,cause it really suffocate some people makes them feels really not that happy, as if you are really putting a rope around their necks, that is not the job of limits ,limits even it's really very borning, but it helps us a lot in arranging our livies ,and in putting it together ,and also in putting a structure for your life as a whole I know that I may really seems very tradatioan in my thoughts and ideas ,I really know one thing that they are really important in our life ,if you really skip rules in it and start working without rules it will really be destroyed and will have really very ugly way of looking ,so I guess that in some things we must at least follow limits that really in order to a proper nice orgainized shape for yor charcter without rowaning everything ,and without doing things that really harm us more than being really useful for us ,so I guess that is the use of having limits out there in order to help not just to suffoacte us ,or not to really makes us feels very bad indeed ,or makes us feels that we can't really use them or at least deal with it, in a very simple way ,so please we must not really reject limits ,without understanding ,what are they really made for ,without thinking in their use or without thinking in the conclaution of useing them in our livise, so I guess it 's really good to think than rejecting without any perpice, so I GUESS try to use your brain in order to make these rules really helpful in yourllife as a whole AND TRY REALLY NOT IGNORE THEM

IMPROVING MYSELF

hi blogyi ,today is a very ruff day I cause my partner whose teaching me is really off, cause she is sick but really I am kind of confused but really its a confusing thing, so I guess I had to handle all things up in a proper way, and dont mess things up ,I had to be really calm and stiable in order to do that right without any problmes, or without anything wrong ,so I guess I am just nervous very indeed, so Iguess I am trying to be calm as poissible as I could with all my best, so blogyi please calm me down if you really can do that, it will be really nice you todo so, if I guess I will be just ok, and you know that very much, I guess its something could really happen to all of us when we really begun something new ,I know that it will go by time, this I am really possitive of it very much, so blogyi ,I just want you to be there for me if you really can do that for me dear and I promise you, Iwill be just fine, and I will be as good as I can ,you know what I really started my deit two days ago, I lost one kilo I really dont eat ,and also I walks a lot hopping that it could really help in losing weight, as I really dreamed of, I really dream of the day I would be really be a thin girl, I know that it will makes a big difference with me, cause its really my dream ,that I wanted very much to come true, cause it will makes me really happy, and also in a great mood, I really know that very much, that what I am really positive of it very much ,so I hope that you really wish me luck in this point specially, cause it's really matters to me a lot, it will really makes a great affect on me and in also building a new character full of treast and self confedence that 's really what I am looking forword to do very much ,in order to do something good in my life something really positive, and also to build myself up in just a good a proper way, that what I am trying to do in this period of my life, so I guess blogyi I need very much to rebuild this gaps in my character in order to be really succeful in my life in general and in my work specially ,I am really trying to improve all these points to REBUILD EVERYTHING IN MYSELF THAT IT REALLY SHOULD BE IMPROVED AND ALSO IN MY WAY OY PUTTING EVERYTHING IN THE RIGHT TRACK

DONE OF LEFTOVERS

you know what I am really done with leftovers, I really had a lot of leftovers in my whole life don't know why, I guess really it is my choice, I am the one who really pick them up with my own well, without any reason ,even this really makes me really suffer a lot, but I really prefer to have it that why without knowing really why is that, I guess Ii have a reason really deep deep down inside, but really it's so strange, I do choose the people which I deal with, have a lot of obligations around them married have issues in their life without thinking that really could affect me in a very bad way, really not only affect me it really had a bad influence on me, and on my whole life around it ,also affect my mood and affect my needs, and affect all my desires,, affect all things in my life, but I don't really think about it in that way, I only think about it as if I just want to get them no matter from whom and no matter what is this person circumstances, what I am looking for even from a person who had his life and his needs and his surrounds, and I know that is very wrong indeed may be selfish too but really it’s out of my own hands, but really I don't calculate it that way, I am really looking for some things particular, I am just looking for care, I am just looking for share, I am only looking for a tender touch without any benefit behind ,don't know why, but it’s really the truth, I never used someone to take something from him, I never ask for anything from anyone even from my ex husband, I REALLY HATE ASKING FOR SOMETHING EVEN IF I REALLY NEED IT VERY MUCH CAUSE I REALLY THINK THAT ANYTHING ASKED FOR AND JUST CAME IT'S REALLY WORTHLESS FOR ME , I am a very shy person that is my nature, so I guess it is not my nature to use someone, or just to ask for from anyone, I just ask for care, I know that it's not right to search for care from someone really involved with someone, or married one or a person with issues, but really I am not looking for a husband, I am just looking for a friend a special friend ,who can really give me all the care I am really asking for, all the tender I need from this world, this is what I am really looking for, this is what I am really digging for hopping to find it someday, so Ii guess that is not too much, but I really dig in the wrong places to search for it ,but it’s really a thing I can't hold myself from doing it, it’s really out of my own hands, I know that it’s not right to do so cause it really hurt me in the very end, but really I don't mind being hurt in order to find what I am really searching for or just a piece of it, I guess it’s not right I know that but I know that when I really find a piece of it , I really became very happy indeed ,and really it made my whole life better better in my mood, and better in all, or just better only some parts of it, I really smile from my heart, I really find that I got younger, I really find that I really turn to a happy person colored one with a lot of colors, after being just black and white, I know that I really stopped chatting long time ago, but I really can't do it anymore I am now back to chat don't know really why but it really what happened I am back to digging again without any reason without any well to stop that, I just will keep on searching hopping to find what I am really looking for, but really when I find it AND THOUGHT THAT I AM HOLDING WITH MY OWN HANDS , I realize after a while that it was just an illusion, nothing but an illusion, it is really a bad feeling makes me full of bitterness, I feels that everything really loses its taste, and really I go through a sad period with a lot of disappointing and despair , but although I suffer a lot I am still searching and I will not stop tell I really find it finally, but the only thing I am really positive of it that when I really find it even it is also some kind of leftovers, I will really know his value and will never let go that ease, cause I were really tired in searching, and I will put it inside my own eyes, and will really keep safe and good inside my own heart, don't know why but I guess that is really what I am really looking for caring tender touch from someone who really care from deep inside ,and to really appreciate me as a person not any person as a special person with all his heart, I guess I am not done till this moment ,I am searching and will keep on searching till I really find that or die, I know it’s out there somewhere looking for me too and also feeling sad ,that he is alone just like me but I really have faith that he is out there looking for me full with desperation from really finding me, as I am looking for him, so I am just telling him, I am there and tell we meet, life will just go on tell god welling says so THAT FINALLY WE HAD TO MEET

MIXING WITH A BROKEN HEART OR NOT MIXING WITH DSISAPPOINTING AND DESPERE

I really don't know why is it so strange that you feel that you are really a complete stranger, don't know why its so difficult to mangle and mix with others, it is really strange ,and if that rarely thing happens, you feels that it's not true, it is just some kind of a dream, its really a strange feeling that you feels that it is not a real thing it is just a fick ,and I wonder why do we really felt it?so I guess we feels strange in both cases, if you really mix with someone and came nearer and nearer, but I guess when this happens you are really putting one leg in front and the other behind, so as you don't get nearer and nearer, so I guess its not cause you are just a cowered, but its really cause you are some kind of afraid, afraid to get attached to someone really doesn't appreciate you, or your care, as if he is really some kind of a stone you are really try to make this damed stone talk to you, and feel you deep deep inside how come you are really convinced that you can make such a thing , that is the dumb itself you are trying to to do , believe me , are you really convinced that you can do that and if you are really convinced with it , means you are really over estimating yourself and giving yourself more then you really deserve or you are just a dumb person who cant really think in a straight way what so ever , so I guess that is really wrong, I guess you must really evaluate yourself in a right way, that what I really think you must really try to that with your own hands really try to know yourself better, and really try to be sure of your capiplities to evaluate yourself in a right way, and to put yourself in its her right poison inside the frame ,that really fits her, I know that its really easy to say and very hard to do, but really I know that must happens in order to deal with yourself in a proper way, and to really put her in the right poison which really suits her ,so I know that will be really right thing to begin with ,when you deal with yourself in a very proper way that will be the right way to deal with people, cause you really don't have hight self steam and you really know what really you can do, and what you really cant do ,what so ever ,you are not a magician you' re a person dealing with others, you really cant change other to deal with you, but you can really fix yourself to deal with others, even it will be really hard but its really possible but changing others is really some kind of craziness, that will happens when you really can mix with others , when you cant you will feels that you are really different from the whole world, as if you are created from other mud, not the same kind of them, its really strange that you feels that you are with others as oil and vinger just cant mix, even with hard tries and with million times of trying, you really fails with a lot of disappointing and a lot of desperation from yourself and with a lot of self pity toward yourself ,so I don't know what is really better mix with a broken heart or don't mix with disappointing and despere

DAIRIES OF A LAW BATTERY

hi there I just finished my work at at home, I cleaned it up, and made breakfast for all I guess now is my rest time, and I am really happy cause really they are all going out out today having lunch out at my sister's house, so I guess today is free, I am really glad, I just need to relax and enjoy my day alone, I know that I really love feeling alone, that is really my hobby being alone relaxing without anyone calling my name or asking me about anything, or asking me to do anything ,but really I am so glad they will go out in an hour and I will be the princess and the queen of of my own empire ,i know that I don't really do anything different but I really love to feel that way alone out there to do whatever you really like to do even to sit down frozen without talking or doing anything at all ,I guess I am a little weird but weird better then normal cause I really hate noise and crowded places, I do enjoy silence and calm atmospheres that is me, I know that seems strange, but I really love it that way even with saif around it is a kind of impossible request to ask for, but I really try to do it as I can as it could possibly happiness, so I guess a couple of Pepsi cans and a packet of smoke is really more then enough for me, so I really wan to hear some soft calm music with a very low volume as if its an angelic music comes direct from heaven, so I love really to live for a while in this mood even its a temporarily period for just a couple of hours so welcome calm period hope you really last for ever, I guess now I am a lot strange but really I love it to be that way very much, so I guess I really like calmness and emptiness to be really my best friends for now cause I really worship them a lot and appropriate them a lot more then you could really imagine ,or more then you could really except from me, cause I know that these periods really recharge me with power to just go on and to just complete my crowded and noisy life ,so flews I guess it my time to recharge myself cause, I am really almost disconnected my battery is really low need very much to be recharged need to be charge then I will close my eyes put the charger on and just enjoy wish me a nice and easy calm charging bye for now.

SOME COLLEGES FOR A CHANGE

hi blogyi its my weekend I guess I wake up really early, dont know why I really thought I will sleep till I rotten but it really didn't happened, I wake up very early find that my day is being very long without any reason, so I guess blogyi it is really my fault ,so I guess you are awake just like me, or you are just so sleepy I can really leave you to go and sleep, but I know that I never needed you and you turn your face off to me ,on the contrarily you really ran to me as I really ran to you,but you know what, going down to work is really a lot better then staying counting hours at home, and also I really have nice colleges at work ,they are really very funny and I feels very homey with them despite of the fact that they are really very young ,they are in the twenties early twenties ,but really I have very nice times with them, they are really nice and time passes very fast with them around me, although I finish work before them, I really wait with them tell they finishes their work then we leave all together, I guess I really feels very warm with them, they are so warm and so lovely I am really happy to have them, I guess its really nice to have some friends around us in our work, really am trying to gain friends with all my effort ,cause I am really a friendless person, so I guess that nice thing to happen as a change, that what I really guess but really what a change, I am really happy with it very much, cause I really lost my only friend ,I really had for the next two months, but I guess its really ok, I guess I am kind of used to it very much ,but I am now ok ,and I will be fine but in a while I guess that, cause I am a person with a little relationships, so I really get used to some persons and really want them to be around most of the times, but really that cant be cause they really think that its very hard to happen, or very hard to do this with me and really it really hearts me a lot but also i am really used to it too so i guess I am now anti shock for this kind of shocks, but the strange thing really that it still hurt a lot the feeling that you are really unwanted is really bad, even if you really get it from someone worthless but really hurt a lot ,I know that a lot so, I really know that cause it hurts me a lot before ,but I know it doesn't matter cause I stop wanting this from people and that really a nice thing to do with yourself ,to be really far away from being hurt from anyone that is the right thing to do with people all, I know that and I know that we have to do it as a protection and as a shield from really being hurt, soI guess its really good for me to really do something like that in order to protect my poor unlucky heart from being hurt again

HAPPY ALONE FEAST

hi there miss you so i really don't have a lot to tell you this time cause I am really am very tired today I just came from work 2 hours ago so I really need to rest a little but I have a long weekend didn't really planed for anything for this weekend except sleeping a lot cause, I really need to do so very much, so blogyi I traveled in the feast for five daysI know really its hard design to decide to have the fest by yourself, so I really know that if I really traveled away, I will be better so I decided to do so and I traveled really it was so lonely but really a great change I guess i really traveled with my MP3 only i almost destroyed my ears cause I had on all day long but really its nice to live by yourself alone for many days I felt very free alone very happy in deed with no one to call your name what so ever anyway don't like to talk much today but it were a nice vacation

TWO CALLS MADE ME FELT HAPPY

YOU KNOW BLOGYI, I GUESS I am just a strange person, I were off today and I were staying at home tell noon, then my mob rang I find two of my colleges at work calling me to ask about me, telling me that they really missed me today and that I really made a bid difference by not coming today , I were really that happy with these two calls ,I know that it seems so strange on me or my nature as you really know blogyi THE THING THAT REALLY MATTEWRS WITH ME A LOT that I really made a different somehow with someone, that I really mattered with someone that really the one thing that made me felt very happy ,that made me felt that I am really alive that I am really with some important to someone even if it was a little importance, I were really happy with this change, I felt really as if I am a baby happy with the new toy he has just got from his parents, just very happy with this change in my life ,so I guess you think that I am a naive person with a silly thoughts, but you no blogyi, I am not at all the only thing that is really wrong with me is that my brain and mind never stops thinking at all, I think if I die in this second will be cause of my brain never takes any breaks what so ever, I know that it is really very wrong indeed but that me, I know that I never stop thinking even while I am sleeping, all my dreams all really shows that very much, I know that cause I really wake up feeling that I were really in a war not sleeping at all ,as if I were really were fighting not resting my body and soul, I know that I must really take a break but really I cant even for seconds or even less than that, I tried a lot but really could do it what so ever, even I tried a lot before but you will never know that two calls really made a big different inside me, it really made my heart really felt happy really felt satisfied, I know that it is not a big deal but it was very big deal to me, very big made me a lot better and cheer up, as if I am really full of joy and happiness, when I really think about it, I really notice that I am a very simple person who can be easily pleased even with a phone call which didn't exceed seconds, so I guess I am a person who can be easily satisfied and who can be really easily pleased with a simple little word or with little action which really seems naïve, or sometimes just a tiny little thing that can really matter to me and made me very satisfied and very happy with myself ,so it really a bless from god that we can be really simple and clear and can be really as baby childish in our reactions and actions and childish in our feelings cause you know what the baby is just so innocent and honest in his feeling can’t really act or can’t really be that good actor he really can’t act what so ever he is so spontaneous in all his thoughts and in all his actions what so ever , as most of the grownups are, so childish feeling is the most pure feeling you could ever face or find just new as a new born baby fresh as a fresh fruit on a tree not polluted with anything among us just so fresh so new , that what I am really positive about, so good for me to have that childish feelings and actions and that pure and naïve thoughts

ONE STEP TO THE FRONT

YOU KNOW what ,I have take many designs in my life, after really thinking a lot in them and I really must stick on doing them ,cause they are really for my own good, that what I really think I know that there are some issues, I had to take some designs in them I really had to, I know that, but I had to be really tuff to that very tuff, but I know that when I really do them, I will be really happy ,and I will be happy in doing that and will have a nice good influence on me too, the first thing I had to do really is to lose weight cause this is really an important issue, I had to it very much, I know that cause it really will makes me feels better, a lot better I really tried it before it really was that good and really makes a big different in my mood, and in my character and really gives me a lot of confidence a lot ,so I guess if I really mange to do this problem, it will really makes a big different for me a t least, I really know that gaining weight makes anyone not in the mood and very not satisfied about himself ,and I am one of those who really feels depressed cause of gaining weight and without mentioning the shape itself that you really looks ugly when you gains weight look as if you are a lady with 100 years old and that makes me feels really bad, so I had to that had very much cause I am really in need to do that for Mai sack and if really feels unhappy with gaining weight feels very old feels that I look bad when I gain weight and also this weight makes me feels old as if am gaining age not only weight, so I really need to deal with this problem I need to lose it really to feel a lot better and also to feel that I am really looking as my age ,so I really decided to go in a diet ,this diet well have to be hard and not just hard it must be hard enough to lose almost 16 kilos, I know that I really love food but I really have to love myself a lot more then food, that really what I had to do in the next day’s coming I am really not satisfied of my looking, I feel that I really need to lose weight and I guess I had really to do that very much, I really will try to do that very much, I really know that but really I need a very strong well to do stop eating and start losing weight cause I usually eat when I am depressed and when I am not happy and that is me really, I am almost all the time unhappy feeling depressed that is my nature lately, so I guess it’s some kind of replacement this replacement is to do something you really like instead of something you really can’t as to be really happy and feeling good about myself, I guess it’s some kind of sycological problem, so I guess that I had to deal with this problem first in order to control this diet that will be the right step in this direction ,I think if I really succeed in doing this, I will really lose weight and gain Mai that what I am really looking forward to do that really what I really am dreaming of doing, so I need really to gather all myself to do that, so I know I will ISA but I really need to start by the way ,and I guess I will start tomorrow cause when I really delay things away I lose my intention of doing it, so I guess I am really gathering myself to do it tomorrow, and I will start having my medicine tomorrow to start my diet schedule tomorrow, so just hope to me luck in doing that to really start my life all over again ,that what I am really dreaming of ,so god be with me

HANGING COLD FEELINGS IN A PUBLIC SQUARE

HI BLOGYI, today I am off from my work ,I know that it’s my first off, I took from my new job, but really I slept a lot cause I really felt very exhausted from the past few days my biological hours were really confused, cause really I slept in different times, felt that I were really about to feint from the sun and from the difficult transportation, so blogyi I were really tried this period, so I hope that you really forgive me for not asking much about you, sorry am really am ,you know what I really hate cold feelings very much the right meaning for cold feelings is that everything is happening really as normal but really in an awful way, as if they are not really happening cause of care or cause of share no they are really happening as a duty, as if the person really had to do them for any reason but really not for caring, as if he really try to make you think that he is really doing it, but really this action is not for you sack its just to feel that he really doing everything he really had to do, that is really the worse for me, I think that not doing the action is a lot better than doing it for duty sack, it’s really very bad indeed, I hate cold feeling I hate asking for anything ,cause I really think that if anything happens or really came to me from itself is a lot better than really asking for it, and then it comes to you as an answer for your ask for it, and if it really comes to me after I really ask for them, I really don’t need them anymore, I think it’s just some kind of a fake thing or a fake coin it just worthless cause you really can't do anything with it ,it’s really worthless completely worthless for all of us, so I guess that I really hate fake coins very much, I love the spontaneous feeling, that really comes direct from the heart with no request for it really comes out from the heart directly, cause the person really, find that he really feels that he felt it very much inside of him, so he is acting according to his own feelings not just to respond for asking or really to answer that kind of asking, so I guess that I have a lot of cold feeling around me lately don’t know why, but I really hate cold feeling a lot and really I prefer a lot not to have feeling at all around me more then not having cold feeling around me, but the really strange thing really that they told me lately that the person who feels the same all the time is really a crazy one, I think that is not true what so ever I think it’s very wrong really cause I most really be stabile in my feelings when I really love someone I love him all the time, not sometimes and sometimes not that is really the crazy thing to be unstable in our feelings ,that really mean the person is really crazy or just moody to the extremes or just he is acting or a very good actor he can really act on you but when he have no time to do so it’s over ,you know what I really hate acting very much I really don’t like to act at all, I love to do what I really feel don’t care what other tell me about it or what will they think of me, I think it’s really a nice thing to be just simple and to be just spontaneously, to be just clear as crystal to be really obvious why do I have to act, why do I have to make something I don’t like to make it, why do I have to talk to someone, I don't really want to talk to, so I guess that Mai and no one had to Mai as Mai I really love to act and to be myself as I am and the hell with everyone don’t want that ,or really think that really wrong ,I really think that cold feelings is just like the dead ones with no taste With no temperature with no color with no help or worthless to the person have them or really acting with and also to the person who you are really giving to him, cause it will not give him anything new or anything worth ,so I guess the best thing that cold feeling had to hang really in a public square really cause they are really sucks and we must spare ourselves and others these cold feelings IF WE REALLY HAD COLD FEELING we must really hang them and kill them IT WILL VERY EASY TO DO THAT CAUSE YOU ARE REALLY KILLING SOMEYTHING DEAD SOMETHING REALLY DON’T EXIST OR REALLY AN ILLUSION SO IT WILL BE EASY TO SO AND REALLY WILL BE USEFUL TO THE PERSON YOU REALLY GIVE THE COLD FEELING TO CAUSE HE WILL KNOW THAT IT WAS ONLY FAKE AND HE WILL STOP SEACHING FOR THEM BY THE WAY ,AND LOOKS REALLY FOR REAL ONES , AND THE PERSON WHO REALLY GIVES THEM WILL STOP ACTING ON HIMSELF AND ON OTHERS, AND THIS WILL BE JUST NICE FOR BOTH OF YOU, AT THIS POINT YOU WILL MAKE SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOUSELF AND FOR THE OTHER PERSON ,AND THAT WILL BE REALLY GOOD FOR BOTH ,CAUSE THIS SHET MUST STOP BY THE WAY MUST

MISSING A DEAR FRIEND

LOST, it’s really a strange word lost its really a very big thing make us all feels very confused, and very afraid from the next step coming toward us, but it’s really very tuff word you know why, cause its very harsh on someone to feel lost among everything familiar around him ,lost in the middle of his house, in the middle of his parents in the middle of his family, in the middle of all the people he must really feels that they are family to him, but lost among them all is really very hard on us all, I don’t know how really I can express myself in it but really it’s very tuff feeling you know what I know that I met a lot of people recently in my new work, but really I find that I am losing a lot around me now, you know what I really miss a lot my friend my only one ,really I know that it’s really hard that I have only one friend and one only, you know what I really miss that he was the only person caring about me, and the only person was there for me and the only one who really made me feel that I really were his focus of attention ,and he used really to ask about me care and share everything with me, that made me really felt very good about myself, and also happy about myself, so I guess when he had his problems he totally forget about me inside this circle of problems, and his own concerns so I guess that I really missed him a lot, don’t know why but really I used to talk to him a lot, as we used to talk a lot at night with each other, I guess for hours but really I miss talking to him and miss his care and his share too, so I guess I almost lost my friend this friend I really feels very sad about losing him ,but really I don’t like to tell him that cause I really hate begging very much, and also I really hate to search for attention ,if this attention really gone then I don’t need it anymore, I guess this is the reason I think that I can’t tell him a word about it even he really calls me every day, but if feels that I lost some one really was very near from myself very much I think, I don’t know what I feels that he really became so cold he really calls but really as some kind of duty, or not to make me sad, I know that really kind of caring but really I need more and more care then that, I know that friends aren't responsible for that kind of share or care, but I really miss him a lot and I wish he really back to his nature with me, cause I were really loving it, cause I really felt that I am not alone when he really around, but you know what I wish my friend is really back, I missed him a lot

THE HUG

HUG, you know what it 's really a magical word know why cause even it’s a very small word consist only from three letters, but it’s really very powerful one, very controlling one very sensitive and emotional one, do you know really what is really nice about this word ,the feeling itself you really feels that you are very safe deep inside someone else and the most beautiful thing to be inside someone you really love cause love really makes everything tasty, it really gives colures to everything around, I really don’t know why but really when you are inside someone hug you feel very secured ,very safe very worm very calm hearing his heart bets as a baby feeling safe when he hears his mom heart bets, but really it’s a marvelous feeling to feel that you really belong here to someone, that you really feels that you are very happy inside this hug ,that you really feels as if you are flying up there in the sky among the clouds and among the birds flying around you in the sky, as if you are really a part of this sky, as if you are really born to fly out there ,but you are really flying without wings, you are really flying not searching for anything but you really flies cause your legs can’t hold you anymore, can’t hold you are really up ,feeling very light very relief very calm feels homey, as if this hug is your shelter this shelter is really the protection shield that can really protect you from everything protect you from days from sadness from life from people from anything could really harm you or even touch you, it really build a very strong shield all around you to prevent you from anything or anyone, so I guess what a shield, I know that everyone can hug, I know that, but I really know that every hug has a different taste as if it have many flavors but this flavors are really controlled by many things, as the person character as the person feelings toward you ,as the person care about you, as the person share with you as the person feeling toward love itself ,you know what the luckiest person who really find a hug full of worm feelings and nice caring and sharing one, you really feels as if you are really electrolyzed, or as if you really are paralyzed, as if life itself stops when you really go in there ,as if you are meant to be there, as if you are in the right place for the first time in your life, as if the times stops as if the days passes very fast as if we are really one person inside each other, two separate souls but inside one body one hug as if you are really melt ,as an ice-cream when it have different colures different flavors and it melt mixing these flavors and colures with each other creating a mixture totally new from these melting very different in taste and also in color so this melt really create a marvelous new thing ,this thing is the hug it really could create one person totally new from you and from your other half this new person can really be a very tender sweet touch who really tells you that everything will be ok

don’t be afraid from anything from anyone I am here for you to hug you for the rest of your life, I will be there to worm you up when you are really cold when you really afraid when you are really sad when you are really happy when you are really in need for this hug cause the really strange thing in the hug that we really need it all the time, when we are happy you need it to express happiness to share this happiness and when we are really sad to feel that everything is ok and to feel a tender touch make us feel that it will pass, when we are scared to feel safe, when we are cold to feel worm when we are in love to feel care, when we are in need to feel share, so I guess it’s the only thing in this world we all need all the times, to feel with it that we are just fine that we are really ok that we are really surviving everything good or bad in this life, cause of this hug cause we really appreciate it very much ,it really make a big difference in our lives, it make us feels really better as if we are reborn, as if you are a new babies born into this life have new hearts new souls new life new thoughts new happy life in front of us ,so I guess it’s really a bless we should really thank god very much for having it.

MY IMAGINARY FRIEND

HI BLOGYI, I REALLY MISSED YOU, I know that you are really probably very mad of me ,cause I really forget you for a long time, I know that, but really I didn’t but you know that I always have sometimes that I don’t want to speak with anyone, I really prefer to be alone in it, with no one around, I know that you really consider that crazy, I know that it is, but really that is my life, I know that I have some crazy things around my character but I realized one thing, this thing that really I need help, I need to search for a therapist really need one to talk to listen to me, blogyi wallahy with no offence, but I really need to talk to someone who is really flash and blood, I think that blogyi I really am doing as children when they are lonely children they really guess that the solution for this problem is to imagine an imaginary friends, to talk with and to play with and to dream with and to talk to, and to hear them and dream with and to do anything else with, that is why they really takes an imaginary friends it really solve a part of this problem but the problem it’s not real blogyi, I guess that you are my imaginary friend, I really created you cause I am really totally alone with no one around, I guess that I really try to solve my own problem, but really with my own way, WITH MY OWN CHILDESH WAY, as if I am really returned a child again, I know that I have really a lot of issues in my life, which really need to be solve, this problem really need to be solve by a therapist, cause I think is the last solution, I most really try it ,cause I need to do so, I need to talk to someone not that only, I need someone to help me ,to go through all of that, I need someone to take my hand and show me the way through all of that, I know that I am very moody and also I have tempers, and I go through them a lot, but I guess that it s ok with me to go through them, cause of all I had been through, it is very normal, I really feels that I have a lot of load on my heart, I sometimes feels that I had a load standing on my heart this load really makes me sometimes can’t breathe, I just want someone re who really can help me to ease this stress down, cause if I really do so, I will be a lot better, and I will be really happy to do that, if I really succeed in doing that I am really trying trying with all my best, but really I am done with trying very much, sometimes I think that the only solution is to leave everything and just run away from all of that, but suddenly I realized that I can’t do it just for Saif if he wasn't really here, I know that my whole life would have been changed, I know that very much ,but really I know that god have some plans for us this planes we really can’t understand right with our narrow minded brains, I know that I really need help and not any help, I need help from someone specialist in that field to really help me right, with the right way and the right cure, I really need that and I decided to search for one to go to, that is what I really decided to do, I know that will be the first right step from very long I will really do it right in my life , I will do the right thing now so god really help me to do that.

MY NEW JOB

HI BLOGYI, I know I am guilty with sin, I know that I totally forget about you ,but really don’t know why really it is without any reason, I started my new work at the beginning of this week ,I know that I really should be the happiest person on earth, but really I am not, don’t know why, and the most strange thing ,when I got my new job, I got another one in the same time , as if I am the luckiest one on earth, which of course, I am not, really, I am not happy at all, I really began my work five days ago now, but the most nice thing that the day passes very fast ,as if its running, that is the most amazing thing in it, so I guess that a very good thing to happen, and I met a lot of nice descent people there, they are really nice, I really tried to gain some friends, but really it wasn't that easy for me, don't know why guess I got rusty cause I am really always alone, but really dying trying is more better when you are trying is more better than dying without giving it a shot, but it’s really not easy at all so I guess after a week passed, I am a lot better now cause I found something interesting to do in my life, I know that working really makes the person feels very tired and very exhausting but really it tired your body a lot and also relief your soul and you feelings and, also relief your mind makes you feels that you are an important person doing something really important in your day, and in your time in life, so I guess it helps a lot to pure all your energy in something useful its really helps me a lot ,and also makes me feel very comfortable, I guess that, well I am really talking about myself, I know that ,so thanks god that I really find a new work ,finally it was really a difficult period, and I am very glad that it really passed away hoping that the next will be better, so I am really trying to do so that what I am really hoping to do and hoping to find.

A HEART TRIAL

MY LIFE DREAM ,I really wish it really come true ,I wish very much to wash my heart inside out, I wish it really calms down, I wish all its wounds hells, I wish really it stops feeling sorrow, I wish it stops feeling sorry, I wish it really stop hurts me like hell ,I wish I can really wash it, and weep all the sadness out from it, I wish I stop really feeling pathetic ,feeling sorry for myself, I wish it return as good as new, I wish I really take it off my chest and replace it with an iron one or steel one to be very strong and never be hurt from anyone, or anything again, I wish to be the only women with the steel heart the only strong one, to be not effected by any of the surroundings, I wish I really became anti shock Mai, and becomes very shiny strong one with no wounds at all, or no hurts at all, when this happens I guess the hell with people all ,cause no matter what they do, it will not affect me ,or will not matter to me, what so ever so, anyway I really wish that I can do that it will be the most comfortable solution I think, it will be very nice, if I really could do it cause when this happens, I will be really happy with it cause really my heart is my curse, it's my only curse ,cause it’s really the mean reason of my pain throughout my whole life ,you know why? cause I really judge everything with my heart, even with knowing that it’ s very bad judge of character, but even with knowing that ,I really put him in front of me through out my whole life ,I don’t know how come I really trust it tell now, I think I must really hang it in a public square, cause of all what it did to me, it really caused me a lot of hurt and pain and this pain I feels it very strong hurting deep inside, I know that this pain thanks god didn't stay forever but the only problem that it this pain really goes away after a while but the only problem that it really leaves but it leaves a cut deep inside, this cut really hurts a lot and takes a lot of time to hell out from deep inside of me, but really I have nothing to do with this pain, I am not the one really causing it is my heart at first I feels that I am really speechless, I have no words which can really express what happened inside my soul, except that I feels that every cut just kill a apart inside of me apart after a part, tell I think that there are no alive parts in there any more they are all gone, but not a normal die they are all killed, shot with cruel bullet really stabbed with a very cold knife ,this knife is really cold, it’s really stabbed but it really hurts a lot through passing in its way to your heart, but I really feels that my soul is really in parts tiny little parts as a puzzle, but they are really unsolved puzzle and they will never be solve never, cause there are a lot of damage parts ,with no features to be known with it, really featureless ones ,so whatever the effort you really do will be worthless with no conclusion at all ,it will end with the same beginning it really starts by it, so I guess these parts will be forever there, with no solution or with no importance to anyone, or with no importance to the puzzle itself, cause the puzzle itself knows that its really worthless effort, worthless hope like an illusion you really see it from far, far away but when you really get nearer you find nothing, but the dream you were really dreaming to find out there, but when you really get nearer and nearer from this illusion and the more you really wanted it to really happens the more you will be hurt, it will be very difficult to you really except this illusion will really takes a lot of time to face this fact, but really it’s no one fault but your heart but you are really helpless ,it is torn apart and stabbed and bleeding what will you do to it more than that, how came you punish it more than it really has, it is really in its worse shape what more worse than that will happen to it ,you really stand out there feeling astonished ,how come I can really hurt it more than that ,it is torn a parts it is dying out there, crying blood tears with a loud voice, I don’t know what is more worse standing helpless looking at it, or your feeling that you are parallelized have nothing to do in your own hands, even if you really have something to do for it you really want to hug it, and tells him that everything will be ok but you don’t know for sure that this will happens for real, so you just stand and watch with no interfere what so ever from your side, knowing that this hearts is really the one to blame in this shape, he really became on it ,so your heart must stop torching itself you really have no place new to be hurt in, so please for your sack stop itttttttttttttttt

Cause if you didn’t stop that it will really die with no hope what so ever that it can be refreshed anymore or that it can live anymore cause I guess that this heart is really on the doors of dying but he really surviving and fighting out dead with no hope what so ever that he will win this battle cause he is too weak to fight and too hurt to stand ,and too damaged to survive it is really a dead end