A HEART TRIAL

MY LIFE DREAM ,I really wish it really come true ,I wish very much to wash my heart inside out, I wish it really calms down, I wish all its wounds hells, I wish really it stops feeling sorrow, I wish it stops feeling sorry, I wish it really stop hurts me like hell ,I wish I can really wash it, and weep all the sadness out from it, I wish I stop really feeling pathetic ,feeling sorry for myself, I wish it return as good as new, I wish I really take it off my chest and replace it with an iron one or steel one to be very strong and never be hurt from anyone, or anything again, I wish to be the only women with the steel heart the only strong one, to be not effected by any of the surroundings, I wish I really became anti shock Mai, and becomes very shiny strong one with no wounds at all, or no hurts at all, when this happens I guess the hell with people all ,cause no matter what they do, it will not affect me ,or will not matter to me, what so ever so, anyway I really wish that I can do that it will be the most comfortable solution I think, it will be very nice, if I really could do it cause when this happens, I will be really happy with it cause really my heart is my curse, it's my only curse ,cause it’s really the mean reason of my pain throughout my whole life ,you know why? cause I really judge everything with my heart, even with knowing that it’ s very bad judge of character, but even with knowing that ,I really put him in front of me through out my whole life ,I don’t know how come I really trust it tell now, I think I must really hang it in a public square, cause of all what it did to me, it really caused me a lot of hurt and pain and this pain I feels it very strong hurting deep inside, I know that this pain thanks god didn't stay forever but the only problem that it this pain really goes away after a while but the only problem that it really leaves but it leaves a cut deep inside, this cut really hurts a lot and takes a lot of time to hell out from deep inside of me, but really I have nothing to do with this pain, I am not the one really causing it is my heart at first I feels that I am really speechless, I have no words which can really express what happened inside my soul, except that I feels that every cut just kill a apart inside of me apart after a part, tell I think that there are no alive parts in there any more they are all gone, but not a normal die they are all killed, shot with cruel bullet really stabbed with a very cold knife ,this knife is really cold, it’s really stabbed but it really hurts a lot through passing in its way to your heart, but I really feels that my soul is really in parts tiny little parts as a puzzle, but they are really unsolved puzzle and they will never be solve never, cause there are a lot of damage parts ,with no features to be known with it, really featureless ones ,so whatever the effort you really do will be worthless with no conclusion at all ,it will end with the same beginning it really starts by it, so I guess these parts will be forever there, with no solution or with no importance to anyone, or with no importance to the puzzle itself, cause the puzzle itself knows that its really worthless effort, worthless hope like an illusion you really see it from far, far away but when you really get nearer you find nothing, but the dream you were really dreaming to find out there, but when you really get nearer and nearer from this illusion and the more you really wanted it to really happens the more you will be hurt, it will be very difficult to you really except this illusion will really takes a lot of time to face this fact, but really it’s no one fault but your heart but you are really helpless ,it is torn apart and stabbed and bleeding what will you do to it more than that, how came you punish it more than it really has, it is really in its worse shape what more worse than that will happen to it ,you really stand out there feeling astonished ,how come I can really hurt it more than that ,it is torn a parts it is dying out there, crying blood tears with a loud voice, I don’t know what is more worse standing helpless looking at it, or your feeling that you are parallelized have nothing to do in your own hands, even if you really have something to do for it you really want to hug it, and tells him that everything will be ok but you don’t know for sure that this will happens for real, so you just stand and watch with no interfere what so ever from your side, knowing that this hearts is really the one to blame in this shape, he really became on it ,so your heart must stop torching itself you really have no place new to be hurt in, so please for your sack stop itttttttttttttttt

Cause if you didn’t stop that it will really die with no hope what so ever that it can be refreshed anymore or that it can live anymore cause I guess that this heart is really on the doors of dying but he really surviving and fighting out dead with no hope what so ever that he will win this battle cause he is too weak to fight and too hurt to stand ,and too damaged to survive it is really a dead end