FINSHING THINGS UP

I know that buying the fernature is just a step toward what I really want ,I know that today I am going after work to buy my bedroom and my computer and my t.v and dish, I am really tired a lot today but I had to buy them today cause I had to do it today ,but I will not move from my mums unless after a week ,cause I really had to get my salery before I move ,cause I still had a lot of thing to buy , which I really need it before I really move from my mum's house, I know that I am just feeling that I really had a lot of weight over my shoulders and heart that what I really feel but I know that is I had to take all the responisblety for myself and also for my son but really I will go today and will try to finsh that all today, cause I dont have any hoildays this week ,what I really want is to finsh the moving from my mum quickley nice and easy, cause I am really feeling that this step is really standing on my heart and feeling that I want to get rid of the period that is what I really need to do ,but at least we will get our saleries on sunday when we really got payed, I will have enought money to move and buy some of the things which is I really need ,that what I am really postive of it very much, I know that when I finsh that up I will feel very comfortable and relaxing too,and that what I am really hopping to get through, pray for me all to finsh that up, and to move safe and fine without any problmes, what so ever ,I am really hopping that happens from the bottom of my heart .

IT MAKES YOU WANT TO GIVE HIM ALL

Hi blogyi ,you know what I wrote my contract yesterday,I did it finally, I was really happy that I finally got my own apartment, finally I am free for a change, I know that its really a nice thing that you had your own flat to go where ever you want ,to sit however you want, to stay as you really want ,and as you really wish to do what ever you really want to do ,that is what I am really happy about, cause I am really missing this very much,and I want really to be free from now till for ever, I know that , I am postive of it very much, and also I know that saif also will be very happy, cause I really promised him that I will bring him the cat he wants throw all his life, that what I really want ,so I know that he is really happy with our moving cause my mum never let him have a cat or a pet with any kind ,that what I am really postive of ,so I know that he wanted a cat very much, so he really wanted to do anything in order to have it actually he is now counting days, this in order to buy a cute nice cat ,and he really wanted to pick her up from the pet store, and he is very happy about it very much, and I am really happy that I am doing him somthing that really will makes him happy, I love to see his smile ,that what I want the most ,to make him happy and active, and also to make him shining as usuall, when I really saw him upset, Ifeels terriable, and I would like to make him really happy all the time ,but really sometimes it gets out of my hand without the otheratey of doing a thing what so ever, and the feeling of being paralized is really bad, specially when it is toward someone you really love cause in this moment ,you would do everything to do that in a very tender and nice way that how you can show him how you really love a lot, and how you really appereicate him and woreshep him a lot more then all the people around or in the whole world ,and that is the nicest thing in this case, that you really prefer him more then the others, and also will do everything for him, for just him that what I really like the most in this case .

FINALLY FREE

I know that this step was really important to me ,I had to do it years ago, but really I didn't realize that I needed it very much since I was divorced for the secand time, it was really a hard step and really hard time ,but thanks god I really passed it safe and fine ,but really I realized that I really had to made a home for myself ,cause I am not happy what so ever ,I know that I realized it very late ,but really I am very sure, I need it very much even they told me that there is no need for that, you already come from work very late, and also no need for paying money in rent ,and to pay a lot of money in building a house from the zero point, that what I really thinked about at first, I really tried to do it very much, but I know that was really worthless in deed ,cause I am not really happy what so ever ,so I really finally manged it with myself and really took the design to move out from my family house ,I know that it really wasn't an easy step to do ,but I am really fially free spirt at the very end, I am really happy that I really manged it, and also I am really happy that I could really do that in a good way really hope me luck cause I really need a lot ofd it in this peroid specially and in my whole life in deed.

Saif is really sick

Hi blogyi hope you are ok, I know that it had been a while since I had wrote something in you i know that, cause I am really some kind of bored, beside I had really a lot of work to do as usuall beside saif is really sick he had a very hard cold which really made him very poor in deed, and I am really feeling very bad for him this really what Ifeels toward his COLD.but really I am not happpy cause he is really sick ,but it will pass I am very sure of it kind of posstive toward it hopping that he will be well soon cause even he is really nauty but I love him when he is really active even when I am yelling all day long in his face for his nauty actions ,but really when he is really ill I feels really awful toward him, so I hope that he is better and that he return back to his nature very soon isa .

DEALING INSIDE THE STORM

I GUESS its very strange to have a computer at work, cause Iusually don't have one prevet or one for my own, so its a strange feeling to happen,I know that it's very normal to all ,but not for me ,cause I dont have a computer at work, so it's some kind of nice to have it for a change ,so blogyi even it is really bad day but I am almost over it ,I am trying very much to get over this mess as I really can,even today is really full of work, I also learned a lot of things new things actually for me ,so I guess learning is a lot better then sitting without any work what so ever ,so sitting with a lot of work to do and with a lot of tention is really better then sitting with nothing to do what so ever, I love to work so that the day would really pass away very fast while working that what I really like very much to do ,and to happen too,so I guess it is a weapon but with two eadges cause working makes you really connect with people, and connecting really create a lot of problmes with them but not dealing with them makes you really stand frozen without learning or dealing with there problmes what so ever,so even with problmes I am happy to deal with people cause I am really learning something really new and important to in my work as a whole , that's what Iam really happy with ,SO it's good for me a lot to work in this situation which is kind of complecated but really it is easy to handle it while being directly inside it ,as a storm that you can imagine it and also imagine what you can do in it when it really comes, but it is really different from really being inside it ,and face it, face to face that's far away from imagining things out, or making a plain for something you didn't face or didn't even see it , it before or without putting yourself face to face with it, in a direct way that is the creation itself cause putting yourself in the situation a lot better then being a viwer from an outside point, I guess that is my point of view may be it is not right but I am really convenced with it very much cause I really tried it a lot, and I really discovered that, it's a nice stratigey to deal with things when you are in the middle of it.

WAW WHAT A NICE START FOR A DAY

WAW what a start for such a nice day,really a wonderful day which started with fight.it is really nice,I just waked up in a nice mood just saying good morning to all surroundings,tries to begin a nice day with a smile as I try everyday ,but really something must really comes up to turn everything upside down,as if it didn't meant to be,to be just happy for once as if it's something not normal to be that way,anyway it was really a very bad way to start that way,but really I am not glad at all with this new day,and with with this start too,so I guess it is bad start for an isuue in my blog too,but really as usual I am not that happy what so ever,so I decided to skip this subject and make myself as I didn't see all of that,as if I am really dreaming of something really not that good ,specially I waked up really early today around 4 am cause my brother was really ill and my dad had to took him to the hospital at dawn ,so it was really a busy morning full of silly things bad things ,don't know the reason behind all of that ,I guess it is some kind of normal thing to happen to me at anytime ,I wake up in a nice mood feeling happy ,I just find a thing to made me felt bad deep down inside ,this what I am really feeling inside myself, but I guess this is really normal thing to happens so ,its ok if it really happened ,so I guess I am just feeling this shit deep inside cause I think that this lady or the office manger which really yelled at my face in an ugly way was a pretty bad thing to happen in the early morning,specially from this garbage lady which I really hate her a lot feels very bad towards her, as a person in general,so I wanted to kill her or stab her in the heart,or just shock her with my own hands,for her talking way in talking to me,so the hell with her in general fuck her in deed .

A JOURNEY TO THE ZOO

I HAD last week a journey to the zoo, cause Saif really insists that he really need to go out ,and he really wanted to have a journey to the zoo ,cause he really love the zoo and really love to feed the animals, and also love to see them, and also love to feed them with his own hands, so I tried to make him feels happy as a change, but really I Wanted to give him a journey as a change cause I rarely take him out cause, I am always tired from work, and from going out, so I always stay with him at home in the holidays, and in any vacation, that is really me I am very lazy as concerning going out,I really prefer to stay at home more then really going out with him, or with anyone else, this me or the really Mai, I guess I am very traditional person, and a boring one too, that is the truth which I really love to confess it with my own tongue, and with my own mouth too, anyway I took him to the zoo he was really happy with this journey, he started and feed some animals and was really happy with this journey, anyway I really made him drew on his face cause he really love it very much, he drew a spider man on his face with colors, and was really happy with it then he asked me to buy him something from there, when I opened my bag I didn't find the purse, I searched in my bag the whole bag for it, I really couldn't find it anywhere I were really angry cause it really had all my papers in it, and that really means that I had really to make all the papers again ,and that means a lot of effort and routine places and employees, and that was very bad for me ,so I took him home and I were really sad and angry too, but really there were nothing in my hands to do, so I really sat on the bed and cried for hours with nothing to do except crying helpless , what so ever with a very bad mood in deed and nothing to do or think about ,Saif sat beside me with a very bad feeling in his eyes saying to me that he is really sorry that I were robed, cause he is the one to blame cause he was the one who really insists to take me out ,but really I felt bad for him and told him that it was really ok and it wasn't really his fault, and I really stopped crying for him, cause I really wanted him to stop blaming himself for me, I felt very bad about it, so I really stopped crying and hugged him and he really stopped feeling bad for me, that is the only result I got out from this journey to the zoo, I know that I really goes out a little or really rarely, but this accident made me really don't want to go out any more, cause I am really done with all of this shit, and can't take this anymore this is the end of the zoo journey.

NOT HAPPY WHAT SO EVER

YOU know what I am not really happy about that, I will be really separated from my friends cause we will open a new branch for our company, it will be in el mohandesen ,so they will all join the new branch, but I will work in the old one, that is really what I am not very happy about, cause I know that I will be alone again, I were really happy with my new friends, and also hopped to stay with them, and that we all work in the same place together, but really will never happens , so I must really except this fact, I will really try to do that but really, I am not very happy with it at all don't know why, but it is the truth and I must really try to deal with this fact, this is what I am trying to do in this period, but really I am not happy at all with it, don't know why I am still feeling that I am totally a stranger in this new work, I am really try to be friendly and I am also trying to feel that I am in a place which is very familiar to me, but I really cant do this don't know why, I feels like there is a wall standing between me and between doing this, I don't know why but this is really the truth, I am really dealing with this fact now, I have some friends but I am still feels that I am totally a stranger for them, I cant really feel as if I am really am home, or as if I am really happy, cause I am really not happy with this all, but I know that nothing really nowadays makes me feels happy, I also have a lot of problems at home, I had a fight with my mum,I really feels that I am totally a stranger in my own house, I live there and I sleep there as if I am in a hotel not more not less,I feels that I am really alone with no one what so ever don't know why is that, but really I am NOT feeling happy what so ever, the reason I guess is me, cause I am sad deep inside nothing can really change this fact, and the funny thing is that what ever I do, where ever I go, what ever I eat what ever I had, I don't feel it what so ever, don't really know why, I really hate this feeling but its my own feeling, don't know how I can really describe it, but it is really the truth what so ever I am not happy at all

LIFE JUST GOSE ON

hi I know that it had been 10 days or more since I wrote a letter in you, and I know very much that you are very sad of me, but really it is not my fault what so ever ,the last days were very messy really I had a lot of stuff to do, so that I had to do them with all my strength, I had a course at work really this course was a long one it took all day, I started it at around 9 and finishes it around 5 pm so I had to have it all day, I really go home very tired in deed to find saif with tones of work too, homework and studying to do with him, I am the only one who really study with him his homework , so I had to do all the studying and homework to sleep like a dead person till six am in the morning really I am going in a circle, I know that I really had a spare time and I also love to work a lot but not like that I am really very tired, I slept yesterday from 9 pm till 11 and half am, this morning without feeling a thing what so ever, but the only thing I really love that the day passes very quick by itself, but really it is a lot better then passing very slowly when I am staying at home doing nothing what so ever so, I know that it is very good for me .